Tiddleywinks

"Tiddleywinks"
The Goon Show episode
Episode: no.	Series: 8 Episode: 24
Written by	Spike Milligan
Announcer	Wallace Greenslade
Produced by	Charles Chilton
Music	Orchestra: Wally Stott Geldray: I Can't Give You Anything but Love Ellington: I Only Have Eyes For You
Recording Number	TLO 51225
First broadcast	10 March 1958 (1958-03-10)
Running time	29:03
Guest appearance
John Snagge

Tiddleywinks is an episode from The Goon Show. It is the twenty-fourth show in the eighth series.

A pre-recording (DLO 51225B) session took place Sunday 9 March 1958, 6.30pm. at The Camden Theatre, Camden Town, London. The recording (TLO 51225) for transmission was created later that same Sunday, also at The Camden, at 9pm.

The first Home Service broadcast was the next day, Monday, at 8.30pm 10 March 1958, its ratings were 1.5 million. The show was repeated on the following Thursday at 10pm, 13 March 1958, on the Light Programme to 2.3 million listeners.

BBC Audiobooks Synopsis

High tech video games were all the vogue in 1897

Royal tiddlywinks champion Neddie has been popping little buttons into a cup at the Palace but there's still no sign of a knighthood (don't worry, folks, he'll get it one day – arise Sir Harry!) He's the laughing stock of the tiddlywink world and only the destruction of the tiddleywink hoard in Cambridge can salvage his reputation. But Count Jim 'Groins' Moriarty has revealed the secret of rocket boots to the Cambridge Leaping Team and guest John Snagge may ask Ned to hand in his tiddlies. Only a button-bursting rendition of the Tiddlywink Song (to the tune of Men of Harlech) can restore Royal favour.

Music

• The BBC Radio Orchestra was conducted by Wally Stott
• Max Geldray plays I Can't Give You Anything But Love (Jimmy McHugh / Dorothy Fields)
• The Ray Ellington Quartet plays I Only Have Eyes for You (Harry Warren (music)
  Al Dubin (lyrics))

Technical

Originally recorded on TLO 51225 (15 ips ¼" tape recorded at Broadcasting House). This tape survived intact in TS, and has been used for the version of the show included on The Goon Show Compendium Vol 8. The opening announcement was taken from a domestic recording of the original transmission.

Show Notes

• A humorous article entitled Does Prince Philip Cheat at Tiddlywinks? had appeared in The Spectator on Friday 18 October 1957 and led to the Cambridge University Tiddlywinks Club approaching Prince Phillip – the President of the National Playing Fields Association – two days later to see if he would be prepared to good-naturedly field a team to prove his honour in the sport. At an Extraordinary Committee Meeting on Tuesday 29, the Goons were proposed as the Duke's Royal Champions; the Tiddlywinks Club had been trying to get the Goons to attend a match since March 1955. The Prince's representatives quickly agreed to the notion and by Wednesday 13 November, Harry had been in touch with the club, followed soon after by Spike's missive: ‘Hear Ye Varlet. Be It Known. To Your Sword Do Take 'pon. The Day To Be Fix-ed. Sir Spike the Milligan.’ The game – planned for the New Year – was mentioned in the Daily Express on Saturday 16 November. On Thursday 28 November, Spike proposed a team comprising himself, Harry, Peter, Wallace, Max and Ray (who was ultimately deputised by Goon collaborator Graham Stark) plus writers Ray Galton and Alan Simpson and offered the services of senior BBC announcer John Snagge as umpire, with the club suggesting the date of Saturday 1 March; the fixture was announced by The Times on Tuesday 17 December. 600 seats were available at the venue and all these had sold out by Sunday 9 February.

• The great tiddlywinks match - Goons versus Gowns - was held at the Guildhall, Cambridge, from 11 am on Saturday 1 March. John Snagge read out Prince Philip's message: ‘Please give my best wishes to the two teams taking part in the great contest, but try, if you can, to do it in such a way that you convey that I wish the Cambridge team to lose and my incomparable champions to win a resounding and stereophonic victory. At one time I had hoped to join my champions but, unfortunately, while practising secretly I pulled an important muscle in the second, or tiddly, joint of my winking finger. This is naturally very disappointing but at least it gives my side a very much better chance to win. Wink up, fiddle the game and may the Goons' side win. Philip’. However, the Royal Champions (who according to the Sunday Times sported 'the Royal colours … curious long yellow cotton garments … the traditional Goons sheets … with orange, yellow and black school caps, and ties embroidered with the initials of the Royals Tiddlywinks Club 1958) were defeated by the Cambridge University Tiddlywinks Club, losing by 55½ points to 120½ points. The event was covered by film crews from the American station CBS, BBC TV, ITN, Pathé News and British Movietone, while BBC commentator Brian Johnston recorded a matside commentary for Saturday Night on the Light and chatted to the players. After the match, having performed the Tiddlywinks Anthem specially written by life-long tiddlywinks devotee Rev E.A. Willis, Harry was whisked off to Coventry by Fisons' Pest Control helicopter to make the matinee performance of Puss-in-Boots (as commented upon by Willium in The Spon Plague). During lunch, Spike sent a telegram to Prince Philip: ‘Prepare to abandon ship, (signed) Royal Champion’.

• Spike's script inspired by the previous weekend's events, Tiddleywinks, was recorded, with John Snagge joining the cast. In this dialogue, Peter made brief reference to the increasingly popular writer/performer Bob Monkhouse, while a series of ad-libs from Lalkaka and Banajee about a concrete lamp post were a reference to the activities of 89 year-old stage and film actor A.E. Matthews who had spent Saturday 8 March sitting on a chair over a hole outside Prospect Cottage, Little Bushey Lane in Bushey Heath preventing council workmen from erecting the ‘hideous monstrosity’ outside his house. Spike's script returned to the format of the earlier series, with the first part of the show devoted to a sketch about Peter's obsession with cars which was unconnected from the main tale of tiddlywink revenge. The show closed with Harry giving another rendition of the Tiddlywinks Anthem, the closing signature tune was neither Old Comrades nor Ding Dong the Witch is Dead (which was now often used as a playout) but – for one week – Red River Rose by Johnnie Reine and Tommie Connor.