Ye Bandit of Sherwood Forest (transcript): Difference between revisions

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Ye Bandit Of Sherwood Forest
A transcription of ''[[Ye Bandit of Sherwood Forest]]''
by Spike Milligan and Eric Sykes


Guest Starring Charlotte Mitchell
==Cast==
{{Ubl
|'''[[Harry Secombe]]''': [[Neddie Seagoon]], Coachman, Hungarian, Robin Hood, Baron Fred and ''himself''
|'''[[Spike Milligan]]''': Throat, [[Eccles]], [[Henry Crun and Minnie Bannister|Minnie Bannister]] and ''himself''
|'''[[Wallace Greenslade]]''': Announcer and ''himself''
|'''[[Peter Sellers]]''': Thespian, The Sheriff, Flowerdew, [[Henry Crun and Minnie Bannister|Henry Crun]], Friar Balsam, Nobby, Ernie Cash, [[Bluebottle]], [[w:Winston Churchill|Winston Churchill]]
|'''[[Charlotte Mitchell]]''': Maid Marion
}}
 
==Transcript==
{|"style="max-width: 850; padding-bottom: 1em;"
{|"style="max-width: 850; padding-bottom: 1em;"
|style="width: 150px;"|  
|style="width: 150px;"|  
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|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Orchestra''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Orchestra''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| "Jingle Bells"
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| ''[[w:Jingle Bells|Jingle Bells]]''
|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Thespian''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Thespian''':  
Line 20: Line 28:
|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Snow Blizzard Over Speech
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Snow blizzard over speech
|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Thespian''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Thespian''':  
Line 32: Line 40:
|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Seagoon''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Seagoon''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Thank you listeners. And a Merry Christmas to all our readers. For the Christmas festival we present on the new curved speaker radio set, A Bandit Of Sherwood Forest
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Thank you listeners. And a Merry Christmas to all our readers. For the Christmas festival we present on the new curved speaker radio set, [[Ye Bandit of Sherwood Forest|A Bandit of Sherwood Forest]]
|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Omnes''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Omnes''':  
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|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Hm, forsooth this day I would travel to Nottingham, I wish to buy a ticket for the coach
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Hmm, forsooth this day I would travel to Nottingham, I wish to buy a ticket for the coach
|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Seagoon''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Seagoon''':  
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|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Now then, I wish a seat with my back to the horses
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Ye good joke.. Now then, I wish a seat with my back to the horses
|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Seagoon''':
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Seagoon''':
Line 77: Line 85:
|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Long thin lad put my three bags top of the coach for Nottingham
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Long thin lad put my three bags up top of the coach for Nottingham
|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
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|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Okay, I got the bags, I'll get all the bags, I've done this before you know!?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Okay, don't get annoyed, I got the bags, I'll get all the bags, I've done this before you know!?
|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
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|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Steady on, I'll get them up, I've done this before you know? I'll just get them up there! (faintly) There you are all safe and sound on top. Oooh! I forgot the bags! I'll come down and...
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Steady on, I'll get them up, I've done this before you know? I'll just get them up there! (faintly) There they are all safe and sound on top. Oooh! I forgot the bags! I'll come down and...
|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| No no no, stay there and I'll throw them up to you. Here's one - two - three. Got them?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| No no no, stay there and I'll throw them up to you. Here's one.. two.. three... Got them?
|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Seagoon''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Coachman''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Excuse me sir, could you give I a hand around the other side of the coach?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Excuse me sir, could you give I a hand around the other side of the coach?
|-
|-
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|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Why?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Why?
|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Seagoon''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Coachman''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| There's a lad lying down with three cases on top of him
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| There's a lad lying down with three cases on top of him
|-
|-
Line 145: Line 153:
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Hark ye all! Hark ye all! The coach for Nottingham leaves but quick, do you hear me? So quickly! I Could spit!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Hark ye all! Hark ye all! The coach for Nottingham leaves but quick, do you hear me? So quickly! I Could spit!
|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Seagoon''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Coachman''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Everyone aboard
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Everyone aboard
|-
|-
Line 151: Line 159:
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Good-bye!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Good-bye!
|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Seagoon''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Coachman''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Next stop Sherwood Forest
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Next stop Sherwood Forest
|-
|-
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|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Carriage Rolling Along Over Speech
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Carriage rolling along over speech
|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Minnie Bannister''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Minnie Bannister''':  
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|-
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Carriage Screeches To A Halt
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Carriage screeches to a halt
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Stand and deliver! Hands up or I'll split your grotkin in each quarter!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Stand and deliver! Hands up or I'll split your grotkin in each quarter!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Minnie Bannister''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Minnie Bannister''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh mercy! It's an outlaw!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh mercy! It's an outlaw!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I warn you madam, one step nearer and I'll scream
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I warn you madam, one step nearer and I'll scream
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Art thou one of Robin Hood's men?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Art thou one of Robin Hood's men?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I art, me name is Friar Balsam
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I art, me name is Friar Balsam
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|What luck! Oh indeed, what luck! I wish to join your band, I play the saxophone
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|What luck! Oh indeed, what luck! I wish to join your band, I play the saxophone
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh, just what we need, right we shall keep you. Now churchman, you may drive on unharmed?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh, just what we need, right we shall keep you. Now churchman, you may drive on unharmed?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Seagoon''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Seagoon''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Giddup!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Giddup!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''FX''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''FX''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Horse Gallops Off (Getting Faster) Into Distance
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Horse gallops off (Getting Faster) into distance
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Now then my lad, from now on you will be known as Little John and...
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Now then my lad, from now on you will be known as Little John and...
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Ahoy there my merry men, it is I Robin Hood nee Neddy Seagoon known as handsome Harry plus Harry Secombe now playing in pantomime (singing) Be my love! Falling in love with love is like falling for make-believe! Maria!(stops singing) More! More? Thank you, more!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Ahoy there my merry men, it is I Robin Hood nee Neddy Seagoon known as handsome Harry plus Harry Secombe now playing in pantomime (singing) Be my love! Falling in love with love is like falling for make-believe! Maria!(stops singing) More! More? Thank you, more!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Come along Robin there's no need to be so shy. Robin this is our new recruit
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Come along Robin there's no need to be so shy. Robin this is our new recruit
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Welcome to the band, I'll have you fitted for a suit of Lincoln Green. Call Nobby the tailor!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Welcome to the band, I'll have you fitted for a suit of Lincoln Green. Call Nobby the tailor!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Nobby''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Nobby''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|(Lew/Jewish) Yes er, what is it doublin?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|(Lew/Jewish) Yes er, what is it doublin?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Measure this man
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Measure this man
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Nobby''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Nobby''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Why, is he dead?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Why, is he dead?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|For a suit
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|For a suit
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Nobby''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Nobby''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh a suit, alright then. Elkan, you got the tape?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh a suit, alright then. Elkan, you got the tape?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Throat''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Throat''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yes!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yes!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Nobby''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Nobby''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Good. Right now then um - and the chalk Elci - er chest 17 including shoulders, waist 56 - 'ere you're a bit of a nosher ain't you? Never mind it's nice to see it on you - Right arm 18, left arm 28 - now then inside leg...
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Good. Right now then um - and the chalk Elki - er chest 17 including shoulders, waist 56 - 'ere you're a bit of a nosher ain't you? Never mind it's nice to see it on you - Right arm 18, left arm 28 - now then inside leg...
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oooooh!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oooooh!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Nobby''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Nobby''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Sorry! That's all now, half a nicker to you
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Sorry! That's all now, half a nicker to you
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I refuse to be seen wearing half a nicker!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I refuse to be seen wearing half a nicker!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Here here here! Ooh help! Robin Hood, help!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Here here here! Ooh help! Robin Hood, help!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|It's Will Eccles, what's happened?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|It's Will Eccles, what's happened?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|The Sheriff of Nottingham, he threw me out of the coach, clung! But I learnt something else: his men have captured Maid Marion
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|The Sheriff of Nottingham, he threw me out of the coach, clung! But I learnt something else: his men have kidnapped Maid Marion
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh no! Maid Marion, she's the most beautiful girl in the world!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh no! Maid Marion, she's the most beautiful girl in the world!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|You must rescue her
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|You must rescue her
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yes. I must rescue her, she's so beautiful!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yes. I must rescue her, she's so beautiful!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|It will mean certain death for you
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|It will mean certain death for you
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I don't know, she wasn't that pretty. I wonder where they're keeping her
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I don't know, she wasn't that pretty. I wonder where they're keeping her
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Where they're keeping her? In the forest of course, because there's plenty of good hiding places there, my dad used to take me there
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Where they're keeping her? In the forest of course, because there's plenty of good hiding places there, my dad used to take me there
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|What for?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|What for?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|A good hiding - Ha ha!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|A good hiding - Ha ha!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|You're all cowards, do you hear me? The fair Maid Marion must be rescued at all costs. Will Eccles, saddle me horse
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|You're all cowards, do you hear me? The fair Maid Marion must be rescued at all costs. Will Eccles, saddle me horse
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Max Geldray strap on a perforated mackerel sheet - zounds!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Max Geldray strap on a perforated mackerel sheet - zounds!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Max Geldray''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Max Geldray''':  
''[[w:Oh, Lady Be Good|Oh, Lady Be Good]]''
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|''[[w:Oh, Lady Be Good|Oh, Lady Be Good]]''
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Orchestra''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Orchestra''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Dramatic link
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Dramatic link
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Chains rattling
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh no, no! No!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh no, no! No!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Get in there you naughty Maid Marion
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Get in there you naughty Maid Marion
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Sheriff of Nottingham take your hands off me. If they are not off in the next 3 hours I'll write to the police
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Sheriff of Nottingham take your hands off me. If they are not off in the next 3 hours I'll write to the police
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Little Spitfire!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Little Spitfire!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Fie, oh fie! You see, my fiance, Mr. R. Hood will come and fisticuff you. He'll hit thee. Splat thun blat zowee zocko blam thud biff. He learnt all his boxing from comic strips. Have you ever seen a comic strip?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh fie, oh fie! You see, my fiance, Mr. R. Hood will come and fisticuff you. He'll hit thee. Splat thun blat zowee socko blam thud biff. He learnt all his boxing from comic strips. Have you ever seen a comic strip?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Only in a Turkish Bath
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Only in a Turkish Bath
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I don't wish to knowest that
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I don't wish to knowest that
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|In that case goodbye-est!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|In that case goodbye-est!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''FX''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''FX''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Heavy Door Shutting
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Heavy Door Shutting
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh! Sobs of despair! Sobs! Locked in this dark dungeon with nothing but an old straw television set! This is the chamber of torture. Oh woe! Oh misery! Fie! Oh what shall I do.
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh! Sobs of despair! Sobs! Locked in this dark dungeon with nothing but an old straw television set! This is the chamber of torture. Oh woe! Oh misery! Fie! Oh whatever shall I do.
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Smoothy Announcer''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Smoothy Announcer''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|The part of Maid Marion is being played by Miss Charlotte Mitchell and a ripe little ham she's proving. Pray, continue
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|The part of Maid Marion is being played by Miss Charlotte Mitchell and a ripe little ham she's proving. Pray, continue
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|But I know my fiance Robin Hood will rescue me alon
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|But I know my fiance Robin Hood will rescue me err-lon
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Psssst!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Psssst!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|What is that pssst I hear?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|What is that pssst I hear?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Pssst!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Pssst!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|How do you spell it?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|How do you spell it?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Pee ss tte!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Puh ss tte!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|That's how my Robin spells his pssst. Is that you, Robin, come to rescue me?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|That's how my Robin spells his pssst. Is that you, Robin, come to rescue me?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yessssst
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yessssst
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Where are you my clever one?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Where are you my clever one?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Chained to the wall behind you. The truth is I'm a prisoner. My arms are chained
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Chained to the wall behind you. The truth is I'm a prisoner. My arms are chained
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Are your legs chained?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Are your legs chained?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|No
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|No
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Then let's dance, Robin!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Then let's dance, Robin!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Orchestra''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Orchestra''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Tea dance music over speech
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Tea dance music over speech
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh you waltz divinely!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh you waltz divinely!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Do you come here often? Stop! (ORCHESTRA STOPS) Stop this mad soiree
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Do you come here often? Stop! (ORCHESTRA STOPS) Stop this mad soiree
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|But you're so handsome
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|But you're so handsome
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I know, isn't it a bore? But we must escape. Wait, this stone I'm chained to, it's loose, I can feel the draught. Hnnnnnnn Hnnnnn Hnnn. Ah! I've done it!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I know, isn't it a bore? But we must escape. Wait, this stone I'm chained to, it's loose, I can feel the draught. Hnnnnnnn Hnnnnn Hnnn. Ah! I've done it!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|What?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|What?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Taken an aspirin, I don't want to catch cold
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Taken an aspirin, I don't want to catch cold
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Robin, try and pull the stone out, beloved!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Robin, try and pull the stone out, beloved!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|My arms are chained, but my teeth aren't! Place the chain twixt my teeth
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|My arms are chained, but my teeth aren't! Place the chain twixt my teeth
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|There, it is twixt. Now pull, Robin!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|There, it is twixt. Now pull, Robin!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Right. Hnnnn, it's coming I think, hnnn
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Right. Hnnnn, it's coming I think, hnnn
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|That's it, Robin, beloved, pull! Let those strong white teeth pull us to freedom
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|That's it, Robin, beloved, pull! Let those strong white teeth pull us to freedom
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''FX''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''FX''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Set of teeth falling on the lloor
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Set of teeth falling on the floor
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Well don't just stand there! Pick them up!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Well don't just stand there! Pick them up!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Robin you've pulled the stone out! Let's go through to freedom. Follow me. Oh! tis dark in here. Oooh! Robin, please!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Robin you've pulled the stone out! Let's go through... to freedom. Follow me. Oh! tis dark in here. Oooh! Robin, please!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|It wasn't me
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|It wasn't me
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Then who else?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Then who else?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|There's more than one prisoner in here
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|There's more than one prisoner in here
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|'Tis the noble Eccles. What are you doing here?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|'Tis the noble Eccles. What are you doing here?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Six months!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Six months!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|You captured too?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|You captured too?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''FX''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''FX''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Heavy prison door opened
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Heavy prison door opened
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|It is the sheriff!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|It is the sheriff!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yes, I've come to take you, Maid Marion
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yes, I've come to take you, Maid Marion
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Splat Thun Zowee Blun Thud Biff Club Wallop Than Blat Sokko! There, let that be a lesson to you! Blat! Blat!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Splat Thun Zowee Blun Thud Biff Club Wallop Splam Blat Sokko! There, let that be a lesson to you! Blat! Blat!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|You silly twisted boy, you! Come Maid
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|You silly twisted boy, you! Come Maid
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|(Blows out candle)
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|(Blows out candle)
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Who blew my candle out?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Who blew my candle out?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Ho ho
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Ho ho
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Don't move, sheriff, or this club will mash your nugglers
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Don't move, sheriff, or this club will mash your nugglers
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|It's Friar Balsam. Let the sheriff have it
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|It's Friar Balsam. Let the sheriff have it
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Omnes''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Omnes''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Thuds and screams of fighting
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Thuds and screams of fighting
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|My fiance Robin is in there!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|My fiance Robin is in there!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Club'n'yukka. Now, you swine, had enough?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Club'n'yukka. Now, you swine, had enough?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yup, I've had enough'
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yup, I've had enough'
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Eccles! Where's the sheriff?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Eccles! Where's the sheriff?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I've got him by the throat, help me!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I've got him by the throat, help me!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|No!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|No!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Why not?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Why not?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|My throat!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|My throat!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''FX''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''FX''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Heavy Prison Door Shut
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Heavy prison door shut
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Flatter me nurtures with crods, he's got away with Maid Marion
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Flatter me nurtures with crods, he's got away with Maid Marion
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Eccles''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oooh!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oooh!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''FX''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''FX''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Phone Rings
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Phone Rings
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|(Smooth hern) I'll get it, baby. Hello? (normal Bloodnok) It's for you
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|(Smooth hern) I'll get it, baby. Hello? (normal Bloodnok) It's for you
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Hello? Robin Hood here
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Hello? Robin Hood here
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Ernie Cash''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Ernie Cash''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|(Jewish, on other end) Hello. Listen listen, Ernie Cash here. Now listen, listen Robin. The sheriff's been on the blower to me from the Windsor 'ere and he says unless you pay him 2000 pounds ransom he's going to kill ya
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|(Jewish, on other end) Hello. Listen listen, Ernie Cash here. Now listen, listen Robin. The sheriff's been on the blower to me from the Windsor 'ere and he says unless you pay him 2000 pounds ransom he's going to kill ya
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|2000 pounds? What shall I do?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|2000 pounds? What shall I do?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Ernie Cash''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Ernie Cash''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Offer him 1750 and take a chance on it
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Offer him 1750 and take a chance on it
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I haven't got a penny on me
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I haven't got a penny on me
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Ernie Cash''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Ernie Cash''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Don't worry, don't worry schmooliker I sent the geezer on his way with the geldt to get you out of schtuck
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Don't worry, don't worry schmooliker I sent the geezer on his way with the geldt to get you out of schtuck
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Thank you, thank you, you've saved my life
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Thank you, thank you, you've saved my life
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Ernie Cash''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Ernie Cash''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Well we all make mistakes. Good-bye
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Well we all make mistakes. Good-bye
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|All's well. Ellington, tell us why you're in prison as well
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|All's well. Ellington, tell us why you're in prison as well
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|'''The Ray Ellington Quartet'''
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|'''The Ray Ellington Quartet'''
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|''"Framed''
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|''Framed''
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|(singing) Oh what a night, ah what a night it was! It really was! I believe for every drop of rain that falls someone gets wet (stops singing) Yes Greensladers it's your own Wallace Greenslade singing to you again and don't forget - you too can have a signed photograph of Wallace Greenslade for only 3 guineas. So, fan clubs, keep those cheques rolling in, old Wallace will find a use for them. So 'til next time this is Mr. Rhythm Greenslade saying chigidi-boo-boo rock-holy-coo-coo obi-doobi-doo chiggidy-snitch 2 4 6 8 who do we appreciate? Greenslade!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|(singing) Oh what a night, ah what a night it was! It really was! I believe for every drop of rain that falls someone gets wet (stops singing) Yes Greensladers it's your own Wallace Greenslade singing to you again and don't forget - you too can have a signed photograph of Wallace Greenslade for only 3 guineas. So, fan clubs, keep those cheques rolling in, old Wallace will find a use for them. So 'til next time this is Mr. Rhythm Greenslade saying chigidi-boo-boo rock-holy-coo-coo obi-doobi-doo chiggidy-snitch 2 4 6 8 who do we appreciate?  
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|'''Omnes'''
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Greenslade!
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Cheers and whistles
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Cheers and whistles
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Stop! Thank you. And now to the rest of the B-feature - Ye Bandit of Sherwood Forest. Maid  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Stop! Thank you. And now to the rest of the B-feature - The Bandit of Sherwood Forest. Maid  
Marion played by Miss Charlotte Mitchell part 3, the sheriff's bank
Marion played by Miss Charlotte Mitchell part 3, the sheriff's bank
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Sounds of busy business activities
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Sounds of busy business activities
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh woe! Fie! Prithee! Oh zounds! Hither thither! Help! I am undone! Oh forsooth! Agony! Whither art thou Robin? Oh Robin where are you?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh woe! Fie! Prithee! Oh zounds! Hither thither! Help! I am undone! Forsooth! Agony! Whither art thou Robin? Oh Robin where are you?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Sellers''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Thespian''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|The part of Maid Marion is still being played by Miss Mitchell
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|The part of Maid Marion is still being played by Miss Mitchell
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Fair damsel, pray do not sulk. Eat?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Fair damsel, pray do not sulk. Eat?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|No I'm not hungry
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|No I'm not hungry
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Not surprising after that dirty great kipper you wolfed. Now then, my dear, what I...
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Not surprising after that dirty great kipper you wolfed. Now then, my dear, what I...
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh Hot Rodkin, sir! Leave me alone! I love Robin!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh Hot Rodkin, sir! Leave me alone! I love Robin!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|You hot little bundle, you! Let me hold you
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|You hot little bundle, you! Let me hold you
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''FX''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''FX''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Violin string snaps
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Violin string snaps
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|My, you are highly strung! But attractive
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|My, you are highly strung! But attractive
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh zooms!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh zooms!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|You mean zounds
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|You mean zounds
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|No it only zounds like zooms
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|No it only zounds like zooms
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh, ye good joke, yes. What do you say, Baron Fred?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh, ye good joke, yes. What do you say, Baron Fred?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|'''Baron Fred''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|'''Baron Fred''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|hums a tune drunkenly
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|[hums a tune drunkenly]
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|He doesn't seem to care
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|He doesn't seem to care
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Ooh! There's someone crawling under the table. What are you doing under there Sir?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Ooh! There's someone crawling under the table. What are you doing under there Sir?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Winston Churchill''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Winston Churchill''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I'm looking for a telegram.
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I'm looking for a telegram.
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Seagoon''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Seagoon''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Pardon me, zire, but there is a prisoner outzide
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Pardon me, zire, but there is a prisoner outzide
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Is he bound?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Is he bound?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Seagoon''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Seagoon''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Of his health I know not, sir
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Of his health I know not, sir
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Well send him in
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Well send him in
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Ellington''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Ellington''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Come on, come on this way you! In you get! Now, get on your knees there, son!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Come on, come on this way you! In you get! Now, get on your knees there, son!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Stop it you. You hurted little me. Enter Bluebottle in doublet made from Mum's old drawers. These sausages, tee-hee!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Stop it you. You hurted little me. Enter Bluebottle in doublet made from Mum's old drawers. These sausages, tee-hee!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Silence! I speak for the Sheriff of Nottingham. Who are you?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Silence! I speak for the Sheriff of Nottingham. Who are you?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I'm a member of Robin Hood's gang
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I'm a member of Robin Hood's gang
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Sapristi!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Sapristi!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I ran away to join him because I was a serf
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I ran away to join him because I was a serf
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Tell me, little serf, why have you got a saddle strapped to your back?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Tell me, little serf, why have you got a saddle strapped to your back?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|That's for serf riding! Tee-hee! I made a little jokules! Hee-hee!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|That's for serf riding! Tee-hee! I made a little jokules! Hee-hee!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Ellington''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Ellington''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Silence, you!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Silence, you!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|If I had my arms free I'd give you a black eye
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|If I had my arms free I'd give you a black eye
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Ellington''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Ellington''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|What's the matter son? Are you colour blind?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|What's the matter son? You colour blind?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Nic Nic, stop hitting me, nic nic. I don't like this game. Where's my friend Eccules. Lets'  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Nic Nic, stop hitting me, nic nic. I don't like this game. Where's my friend Eccules. Lets'  
play another game. Let's play Rita Hayworth and husbands
play another game. Let's play Rita Hayworth and husbands
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Sapristi bombit neyakkos, now listen! Tell us, what is your position here?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Sapristi bombit neyakkos, now listen! Tell us, what is your position here?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Can't you see I'm kneeling down?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Can't you see I'm kneeling down?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Speak the truth
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Speak the truth
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I have broughted the ransom money to free my master Robin Swininge
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I have broughted the ransom money to free my master Robin Swininge
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I understand perfectly, but where is the money little string-bonce-yeomans?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I understand perfectly, but where is the money little string-bonce-yeomans?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|First you must free Robin
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|First you must free Robin
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Tie him to a stake!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Tie him to a stake!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|No! Do not tie me to a stake
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|No! Do not tie me to a stake
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Why not?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Why not?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I'm a vegetarian. Hee, yehee.
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I'm a vegetarian. Hee, yehee.
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Alright...
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Alright...
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Stop knocking me.
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Stop knocking me.
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|...stop it man, listen to me, drink this!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|...stop it man, listen to me, drink this!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|No I must not drinkie alcoholic drinkies, I'm a minor
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|No I must not drinkie alcoholic drinkies, I'm a minor
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I don't care if you're a navvy, drink!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|I don't care if you're a navvy, drink!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Well, as you asked me so nicely and also because you're holding a dirty big chopper over my little nut I'll have to drink it, won't I? Thinks: this must be the dreaded deading of Bluebottle part. hoo-hoo! Good luck to you. Picks up cardboard goblet and drinks. Gulp!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Well, as you asked me so nicely and also because you're holding a dirty big chopper over my little nut I'll have to drink it, won't I? Thinks: this must be the dreaded deading of Bluebottle part. Yoo-hoo! Good luck to you. Picks up cardboard goblet and drinks. Gulp!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Whoosh, Kettle Whistle, Whoosh, Boing, Whoosh, Big Ben Strikes, Cat Shrieks, Whoosh
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Whoosh, Kettle Whistle, Whoosh, Boing, Whoosh, Big Ben Strikes, Cat Shrieks, Whoosh
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Tee-hee! That was jolly nice that was! I thought that was going to dead me, but I was wrong
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Tee-hee! That was jolly nice that was! I thought that was going to dead me, but I was wrong
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Big explosion
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Big explosion
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Bluebottle''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|You rotten Norman swine you! There was dynamite in my drinkies, look my knees have dropped! Exits left with low knees, high groins and shattered boots
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|You rotten Norman swine you! There was dynamite in my drinkies, look my knees have dropped! Exits left with low knees, high groins and shattered boots
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh no, stop! hark ye, I am here!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh no, stop! hark ye, I am here!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|It's my fiance Robin
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|It's my fiance Robin
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Belt-up, you! 'Tis I Robin! Freed by Wallace the Greenslade. Come men, attack the sheriff!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Belt-up, you! 'Tis I Robin! Freed by Wallace the Greenslade. Come men, attack the sheriff!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Omnes''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Omnes''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Blang Bong Thud Whee Blut Zowee Blunge
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Blang Bong Thud Whee Blut Zowee Blunge
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|My fiance's in there somewhere
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|My fiance's in there somewhere
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|That's what you think
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|That's what you think
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Robin! What are you doing under that table?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Robin! What are you doing under that table?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Winston Churchill''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Winston Churchill''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|He's helping me look for that blasted telegram!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|He's helping me look for that blasted telegram!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Club, whack. Oh Robin, we can't keep this up much longer, will they never arrive?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Club, whack. Oh Robin, we can't keep this up much longer, will they never arrive?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Who?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Who?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Balsam''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Those blasted sound-effects men. Blunge Thog
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Those blasted sound-effects men. Blunge Thog
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Let me help. Blat
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Let me help. Blat
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|My fiance did that
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|My fiance did that
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Thud
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Thud
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|My fiance did that
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|My fiance did that
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Moriarty''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Blum and Bonk
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Blum and Bonk
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|My fiance copped that
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|My fiance copped that
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Blat. My fiance copped that
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Blat. My fiance copped that
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''The Sheriff''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Stop, Robin Hood. Robin, call your men off, you win, you win, you win. Your thuds blats and wallops were far louder than ours. Maid Marion is all yours
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Stop, Robin Hood. Robin, call your men off, you win, you win, you win. Your thuds blats and wallops were far louder than ours. Maid Marion is all yours
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Friar Crun?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Friar Crun?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Crun''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Crun''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yes, coming, coming
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yes, coming, coming
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|A wedding, let two be joined as one
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|A wedding, let two be joined as one
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Crun''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Crun''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Stand there, both. Now do you take this - um - what is it?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Stand there, both. Now do you take this - um - what is it?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Man
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Man
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Crun''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Crun''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Take this man to be your husband?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Take this man to be your husband?
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yes
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yes
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Crun''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Crun''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yes, and do you take this woman as your wife
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yes, and do you take this woman as your wife
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yes I do
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Yes I do
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Crun''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Friar Crun''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Pronounced man and wife 5 shillings please
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Pronounced man and wife 5 shillings please
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Robin Hood''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Stop! You married the wrong man!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Stop! You married the wrong man!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''': Oh yeah! 2 4 6 8est - who do girls appreciatest?
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Oh yeah! 2 4 6 8est - who do girls appreciatest?
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Maid Marion''':
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Greenslade!
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| Greenslade!
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Grams''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Cheers and whistles
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Cheers and whistles
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Orchestra''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Orchestra''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|End Theme Tune
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|End Theme Tune
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Greenslade''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|That was the Goon Show, a recorded programme featuring Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan and Charlotte Mitchell with the Ray Ellington Quartet and Max Geldray. The orchestra as conducted by Wally Stott, script by Spike Milligan and Eric Sykes, announcer Wallace Greenslade, the programme produced by Peter Eton.
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|That was the Goon Show, a recorded programme featuring Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan and Charlotte Mitchell with the Ray Ellington Quartet and Max Geldray. The orchestra as conducted by Wally Stott, script by Spike Milligan and Eric Sykes, announcer Wallace Greenslade, the programme produced by Peter Eton.
 
|-
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Orchestra''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"| '''Orchestra''':  
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|Outro
|style="vertical-align: top; padding-bottom: 1em;"|''Crazy Rhythm''
|-
|-
|}
|}
==Transcriber==
Transcription by Kurt Adkins
Transcription by Kurt Adkins
{{Goons|state=collapsed}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Bandit of Shewrwood Forest, Ye}}
[[Category:Goon Show transcriptions]]

Latest revision as of 13:00, 20 November 2022

A transcription of Ye Bandit of Sherwood Forest

Cast

Transcript

Greenslade: This is the BBC Home Service
Throat: Cor Blimey!
Orchestra: Jingle Bells
Thespian: 'Tis Christmas, and in every home are sounds of revelry and good cheer. But alas outside...
Grams: Snow blizzard over speech
Thespian: Outside in the driving snow a lone tragic ragged figure stumbles through the icy streets, his thin frost-bitten fingers clutching at the thread-bare overcoat. He stumbles into a decrepit hovel ignoring the poor wretches who lay groaning on the straw-covered floor. He staggers in, lets fall his ragged coat, lurches forward and says...
Seagoon: Welcome to the Goon Show!
Grams: Various moans and wailings...
Seagoon: Thank you listeners. And a Merry Christmas to all our readers. For the Christmas festival we present on the new curved speaker radio set, A Bandit of Sherwood Forest
Omnes: Ole
Orchestra: Grand Opening
Greenslade: Doncaster late in the 12th century, 'tis December and the snow covered coaching yard of the Bowman's Inn is thronged with travellers each awaiting to go his journey
The Sheriff: Oh coach master, a word I pray
Seagoon: (country accent) Coming sir! Ah 'tis the Sheriff of Nottingham. A pleasure to talk to the only real gentleman here
The Sheriff: Oh really?
Seagoon: Yes, that's him over there by the wall. Wallace the Greenslade
The Sheriff: Hmm, forsooth this day I would travel to Nottingham, I wish to buy a ticket for the coach
Seagoon: Coach don't need a ticket, it travels free ha ha ha...
The Sheriff: Ye good joke.. Now then, I wish a seat with my back to the horses
Seagoon: Dun't matter, if you're downwind you'll still cop it! Hur hur hur...
The Sheriff: Ye good joke.(lapses into cockney) Now belt up will ya!
The Sheriff: Baggage boy! Baggage boy!
Eccles: Hello. Didst thou call, sire?
The Sheriff: Long thin lad put my three bags up top of the coach for Nottingham
Eccles: Forsooth I will do that, I say sooth, sooth, sooth, sooth and... sooth!
The Sheriff: What manner of an idiot is this that keeps saying sooth?
Eccles: Little does he know that I'm a soothsayer! (laughs) Now don't hit me now! Ooh, what was that?
The Sheriff: Just my little foot. Now get those bags and...
Eccles: Okay, don't get annoyed, I got the bags, I'll get all the bags, I've done this before you know!?
Grams: Cases being moved and thumped about
Eccles: Steady on, I'll get them up, I've done this before you know? I'll just get them up there! (faintly) There they are all safe and sound on top. Oooh! I forgot the bags! I'll come down and...
The Sheriff: No no no, stay there and I'll throw them up to you. Here's one.. two.. three... Got them?
Coachman: Excuse me sir, could you give I a hand around the other side of the coach?
The Sheriff: Why?
Coachman: There's a lad lying down with three cases on top of him
The Sheriff: Idiot! Idiot!
Eccles: OK, it's okay Sire, I didn't hurt myself
The Sheriff: Well jump again
Eccles: I fell on this old woman
Greenslade: I'm not an old woman
Eccles: I'm sorry, I meant this old man
Greenslade: I'm not an old woman or an old man
Eccles: Ooooh!
Greenslade: I'm a young man
Coachman and Eccles: Laugh, ye good joke!
Flowerdew: Hark ye all! Hark ye all! The coach for Nottingham leaves but quick, do you hear me? So quickly! I Could spit!
Coachman: Everyone aboard
Omnes: Good-bye!
Coachman: Next stop Sherwood Forest
Orchestra: Cheerful Link
Grams: Carriage rolling along over speech
Minnie Bannister: (snoring) Oh dear, dear, dear dear! I must have dozed off. Where are we, pray, gentlemen?
The Sheriff: We're in Sherwood Forest, madam. Pity you're not younger
Minnie Bannister: Oh! Oh dear! What's become of the long, thin lad?
The Sheriff: I threw him out of the coach a mile back
Minnie Bannister: What in heaven made you do that, sir?
The Sheriff: I don't know, just high spirits I suppose
Minnie Bannister: The poor, poor lad, lost in the forest the wolves will get him
Hungarian: (heavily accented) Please don't mention the wolves!
Minnie Bannister: Why not?
Hungarian: (heavily accented) I'm an Hungarian!
Grams: Carriage screeches to a halt
Friar Balsam: Stand and deliver! Hands up or I'll split your grotkin in each quarter!
Minnie Bannister: Oh mercy! It's an outlaw!
Friar Balsam: I warn you madam, one step nearer and I'll scream
Greenslade: Art thou one of Robin Hood's men?
Friar Balsam: I art, me name is Friar Balsam
Greenslade: What luck! Oh indeed, what luck! I wish to join your band, I play the saxophone
Friar Balsam: Oh, just what we need, right we shall keep you. Now churchman, you may drive on unharmed?
Seagoon: Giddup!
FX: Horse gallops off (Getting Faster) into distance
Friar Balsam: Now then my lad, from now on you will be known as Little John and...
Robin Hood: Ahoy there my merry men, it is I Robin Hood nee Neddy Seagoon known as handsome Harry plus Harry Secombe now playing in pantomime (singing) Be my love! Falling in love with love is like falling for make-believe! Maria!(stops singing) More! More? Thank you, more!
The Sheriff: Come along Robin there's no need to be so shy. Robin this is our new recruit
Robin Hood: Welcome to the band, I'll have you fitted for a suit of Lincoln Green. Call Nobby the tailor!
Nobby: (Lew/Jewish) Yes er, what is it doublin?
Robin Hood: Measure this man
Nobby: Why, is he dead?
Robin Hood: For a suit
Nobby: Oh a suit, alright then. Elkan, you got the tape?
Throat: Yes!
Nobby: Good. Right now then um - and the chalk Elki - er chest 17 including shoulders, waist 56 - 'ere you're a bit of a nosher ain't you? Never mind it's nice to see it on you - Right arm 18, left arm 28 - now then inside leg...
Greenslade: Oooooh!
Nobby: Sorry! That's all now, half a nicker to you
Greenslade: I refuse to be seen wearing half a nicker!
Eccles: Here here here! Ooh help! Robin Hood, help!
Robin Hood: It's Will Eccles, what's happened?
Eccles: The Sheriff of Nottingham, he threw me out of the coach, clung! But I learnt something else: his men have kidnapped Maid Marion
Robin Hood: Oh no! Maid Marion, she's the most beautiful girl in the world!
Friar Balsam: You must rescue her
Robin Hood: Yes. I must rescue her, she's so beautiful!
Friar Balsam: It will mean certain death for you
Robin Hood: I don't know, she wasn't that pretty. I wonder where they're keeping her
Eccles: Where they're keeping her? In the forest of course, because there's plenty of good hiding places there, my dad used to take me there
Robin Hood: What for?
Eccles: A good hiding - Ha ha!
Friar Balsam: You're all cowards, do you hear me? The fair Maid Marion must be rescued at all costs. Will Eccles, saddle me horse
Robin Hood: Max Geldray strap on a perforated mackerel sheet - zounds!
Max Geldray: Oh, Lady Be Good
Orchestra: Dramatic link
Grams: Chains rattling
Maid Marion: Oh no, no! No!
The Sheriff: Get in there you naughty Maid Marion
Maid Marion: Sheriff of Nottingham take your hands off me. If they are not off in the next 3 hours I'll write to the police
The Sheriff: Little Spitfire!
Maid Marion: Oh fie, oh fie! You see, my fiance, Mr. R. Hood will come and fisticuff you. He'll hit thee. Splat thun blat zowee socko blam thud biff. He learnt all his boxing from comic strips. Have you ever seen a comic strip?
The Sheriff: Only in a Turkish Bath
Maid Marion: I don't wish to knowest that
The Sheriff: In that case goodbye-est!
FX: Heavy Door Shutting
Maid Marion: Oh! Sobs of despair! Sobs! Locked in this dark dungeon with nothing but an old straw television set! This is the chamber of torture. Oh woe! Oh misery! Fie! Oh whatever shall I do.
Smoothy Announcer: The part of Maid Marion is being played by Miss Charlotte Mitchell and a ripe little ham she's proving. Pray, continue
Maid Marion: But I know my fiance Robin Hood will rescue me err-lon
Robin Hood: Psssst!
Maid Marion: What is that pssst I hear?
Robin Hood: Pssst!
Maid Marion: How do you spell it?
Robin Hood: Puh ss tte!
Maid Marion: That's how my Robin spells his pssst. Is that you, Robin, come to rescue me?
Robin Hood: Yessssst
Maid Marion: Where are you my clever one?
Robin Hood: Chained to the wall behind you. The truth is I'm a prisoner. My arms are chained
Maid Marion: Are your legs chained?
Robin Hood: No
Maid Marion: Then let's dance, Robin!
Orchestra: Tea dance music over speech
Maid Marion: Oh you waltz divinely!
Robin Hood: Do you come here often? Stop! (ORCHESTRA STOPS) Stop this mad soiree
Maid Marion: But you're so handsome
Robin Hood: I know, isn't it a bore? But we must escape. Wait, this stone I'm chained to, it's loose, I can feel the draught. Hnnnnnnn Hnnnnn Hnnn. Ah! I've done it!
Maid Marion: What?
Robin Hood: Taken an aspirin, I don't want to catch cold
Maid Marion: Robin, try and pull the stone out, beloved!
Robin Hood: My arms are chained, but my teeth aren't! Place the chain twixt my teeth
Maid Marion: There, it is twixt. Now pull, Robin!
Robin Hood: Right. Hnnnn, it's coming I think, hnnn
Maid Marion: That's it, Robin, beloved, pull! Let those strong white teeth pull us to freedom
FX: Set of teeth falling on the floor
Robin Hood: Well don't just stand there! Pick them up!
Maid Marion: Robin you've pulled the stone out! Let's go through... to freedom. Follow me. Oh! tis dark in here. Oooh! Robin, please!
Robin Hood: It wasn't me
Maid Marion: Then who else?
Eccles: There's more than one prisoner in here
Robin Hood: 'Tis the noble Eccles. What are you doing here?
Eccles: Six months!
Robin Hood: You captured too?
FX: Heavy prison door opened
Maid Marion: It is the sheriff!
The Sheriff: Yes, I've come to take you, Maid Marion
Robin Hood: Splat Thun Zowee Blun Thud Biff Club Wallop Splam Blat Sokko! There, let that be a lesson to you! Blat! Blat!
The Sheriff: You silly twisted boy, you! Come Maid
Friar Balsam: (Blows out candle)
The Sheriff: Who blew my candle out?
Eccles: Ho ho
Friar Balsam: Don't move, sheriff, or this club will mash your nugglers
Robin Hood: It's Friar Balsam. Let the sheriff have it
Omnes: Thuds and screams of fighting
Maid Marion: My fiance Robin is in there!
Friar Balsam: Club'n'yukka. Now, you swine, had enough?
Eccles: Yup, I've had enough'
Friar Balsam: Eccles! Where's the sheriff?
Robin Hood: I've got him by the throat, help me!
Friar Balsam: No!
Robin Hood: Why not?
Friar Balsam: My throat!
FX: Heavy prison door shut
Friar Balsam: Flatter me nurtures with crods, he's got away with Maid Marion
Eccles: Oooh!
FX: Phone Rings
Friar Balsam: (Smooth hern) I'll get it, baby. Hello? (normal Bloodnok) It's for you
Robin Hood: Hello? Robin Hood here
Ernie Cash: (Jewish, on other end) Hello. Listen listen, Ernie Cash here. Now listen, listen Robin. The sheriff's been on the blower to me from the Windsor 'ere and he says unless you pay him 2000 pounds ransom he's going to kill ya
Robin Hood: 2000 pounds? What shall I do?
Ernie Cash: Offer him 1750 and take a chance on it
Robin Hood: I haven't got a penny on me
Ernie Cash: Don't worry, don't worry schmooliker I sent the geezer on his way with the geldt to get you out of schtuck
Robin Hood: Thank you, thank you, you've saved my life
Ernie Cash: Well we all make mistakes. Good-bye
Robin Hood: All's well. Ellington, tell us why you're in prison as well
The Ray Ellington Quartet Framed
Greenslade: (singing) Oh what a night, ah what a night it was! It really was! I believe for every drop of rain that falls someone gets wet (stops singing) Yes Greensladers it's your own Wallace Greenslade singing to you again and don't forget - you too can have a signed photograph of Wallace Greenslade for only 3 guineas. So, fan clubs, keep those cheques rolling in, old Wallace will find a use for them. So 'til next time this is Mr. Rhythm Greenslade saying chigidi-boo-boo rock-holy-coo-coo obi-doobi-doo chiggidy-snitch 2 4 6 8 who do we appreciate?
Omnes Greenslade!
Grams: Cheers and whistles
Greenslade: Stop! Thank you. And now to the rest of the B-feature - The Bandit of Sherwood Forest. Maid

Marion played by Miss Charlotte Mitchell part 3, the sheriff's bank

Grams: Sounds of busy business activities
Maid Marion: Oh woe! Fie! Prithee! Oh zounds! Hither thither! Help! I am undone! Forsooth! Agony! Whither art thou Robin? Oh Robin where are you?
Thespian: The part of Maid Marion is still being played by Miss Mitchell
The Sheriff: Fair damsel, pray do not sulk. Eat?
Maid Marion: No I'm not hungry
The Sheriff: Not surprising after that dirty great kipper you wolfed. Now then, my dear, what I...
Maid Marion: Oh Hot Rodkin, sir! Leave me alone! I love Robin!
The Sheriff: You hot little bundle, you! Let me hold you
FX: Violin string snaps
The Sheriff: My, you are highly strung! But attractive
Maid Marion: Oh zooms!
The Sheriff: You mean zounds
Maid Marion: No it only zounds like zooms
The Sheriff: Oh, ye good joke, yes. What do you say, Baron Fred?
Baron Fred: [hums a tune drunkenly]
The Sheriff: He doesn't seem to care
Maid Marion: Ooh! There's someone crawling under the table. What are you doing under there Sir?
Winston Churchill: I'm looking for a telegram.
Seagoon: Pardon me, zire, but there is a prisoner outzide
The Sheriff: Is he bound?
Seagoon: Of his health I know not, sir
The Sheriff: Well send him in
Ellington: Come on, come on this way you! In you get! Now, get on your knees there, son!
Bluebottle: Stop it you. You hurted little me. Enter Bluebottle in doublet made from Mum's old drawers. These sausages, tee-hee!
Moriarty: Silence! I speak for the Sheriff of Nottingham. Who are you?
Bluebottle: I'm a member of Robin Hood's gang
Moriarty: Sapristi!
Bluebottle: I ran away to join him because I was a serf
Moriarty: Tell me, little serf, why have you got a saddle strapped to your back?
Bluebottle: That's for serf riding! Tee-hee! I made a little jokules! Hee-hee!
Ellington: Silence, you!
Bluebottle: If I had my arms free I'd give you a black eye
Ellington: What's the matter son? You colour blind?
Bluebottle: Nic Nic, stop hitting me, nic nic. I don't like this game. Where's my friend Eccules. Lets'

play another game. Let's play Rita Hayworth and husbands

Moriarty: Sapristi bombit neyakkos, now listen! Tell us, what is your position here?
Bluebottle: Can't you see I'm kneeling down?
Moriarty: Speak the truth
Bluebottle: I have broughted the ransom money to free my master Robin Swininge
Moriarty: I understand perfectly, but where is the money little string-bonce-yeomans?
Bluebottle: First you must free Robin
Moriarty: Tie him to a stake!
Bluebottle: No! Do not tie me to a stake
Moriarty: Why not?
Bluebottle: I'm a vegetarian. Hee, yehee.
Moriarty: Alright...
Bluebottle: Stop knocking me.
Moriarty: ...stop it man, listen to me, drink this!
Bluebottle: No I must not drinkie alcoholic drinkies, I'm a minor
Moriarty: I don't care if you're a navvy, drink!
Bluebottle: Well, as you asked me so nicely and also because you're holding a dirty big chopper over my little nut I'll have to drink it, won't I? Thinks: this must be the dreaded deading of Bluebottle part. Yoo-hoo! Good luck to you. Picks up cardboard goblet and drinks. Gulp!
Grams: Whoosh, Kettle Whistle, Whoosh, Boing, Whoosh, Big Ben Strikes, Cat Shrieks, Whoosh
Bluebottle: Tee-hee! That was jolly nice that was! I thought that was going to dead me, but I was wrong
Grams: Big explosion
Bluebottle: You rotten Norman swine you! There was dynamite in my drinkies, look my knees have dropped! Exits left with low knees, high groins and shattered boots
Robin Hood: Oh no, stop! hark ye, I am here!
Maid Marion: It's my fiance Robin
Robin Hood: Belt-up, you! 'Tis I Robin! Freed by Wallace the Greenslade. Come men, attack the sheriff!
Omnes: Blang Bong Thud Whee Blut Zowee Blunge
Maid Marion: My fiance's in there somewhere
Robin Hood: That's what you think
Maid Marion: Robin! What are you doing under that table?
Winston Churchill: He's helping me look for that blasted telegram!
Friar Balsam: Club, whack. Oh Robin, we can't keep this up much longer, will they never arrive?
Robin Hood: Who?
Friar Balsam: Those blasted sound-effects men. Blunge Thog
Robin Hood: Let me help. Blat
Maid Marion: My fiance did that
Robin Hood: Thud
Maid Marion: My fiance did that
Moriarty: Blum and Bonk
Maid Marion: My fiance copped that
Robin Hood: Blat. My fiance copped that
The Sheriff: Stop, Robin Hood. Robin, call your men off, you win, you win, you win. Your thuds blats and wallops were far louder than ours. Maid Marion is all yours
Robin Hood: Friar Crun?
Friar Crun: Yes, coming, coming
Robin Hood: A wedding, let two be joined as one
Friar Crun: Stand there, both. Now do you take this - um - what is it?
Maid Marion: Man
Friar Crun: Take this man to be your husband?
Maid Marion: Yes
Friar Crun: Yes, and do you take this woman as your wife
Greenslade: Yes I do
Friar Crun: Pronounced man and wife 5 shillings please
Robin Hood: Stop! You married the wrong man!
Greenslade: Oh yeah! 2 4 6 8est - who do girls appreciatest?
Maid Marion: Greenslade!
Grams: Cheers and whistles
Orchestra: End Theme Tune
Greenslade: That was the Goon Show, a recorded programme featuring Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan and Charlotte Mitchell with the Ray Ellington Quartet and Max Geldray. The orchestra as conducted by Wally Stott, script by Spike Milligan and Eric Sykes, announcer Wallace Greenslade, the programme produced by Peter Eton.
Orchestra: Crazy Rhythm

Transcriber

Transcription by Kurt Adkins