The Goon Show Depository - User contributions [en]

The Goon Show running jokes

2022-06-13T13:29:11Z

2A00:23C7:2909:5801:810:F674:F4C9:1A62: /* Catchphrases */

{{Use dmy dates|date=April 2022}}
{{Multiple issues|
{{more citations needed|date=January 2010}}
{{over-quotation|date=January 2010}}
{{more footnotes needed|date=January 2010}}
}}{{DISPLAYTITLE:''The Goon Show'' running jokes}}
This is a list of '''[[running joke]]s''' and [[catchphrase]]s in the 1950s British radio programme ''[[The Goon Show]]''.

==Catchphrases==
;[[Bluebottle (character)|Bluebottle]]'s catchphrases
*Bluebottle reads his own stage directions out loud (though he might argue that they would otherwise be lost in a radio programme format). ("Enter Bluebottle wearing doublet made out of mum's old drawers"; "Enter Bluebottle, waits for audience applause... not a sausage"; or "Strikes heroic pose, but trousers fall down and ruin effect"). He also says his inner thoughts out loud, preceded by the stage-direction "Thinks...".
*Bluebottle would say, "I don't like this game!", especially when he was about to be, or had just been "deaded".
*Bluebottle says "You rotten swine, you!" when something bad happens to him like being "deaded". At one point in the episode "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s05e21_the_sinking_of_westminster_pier The Sinking of Westminster Pier]", he complained that he was always being "deaded", and that Eccles never was. This was followed by an explosion and a call of "You rotten swine, Bluebottle!" from Eccles.
*Other Bluebottle catchphrases include: "I heard you call me, My Capitaine!", which was usually addressed to Seagoon.
*Variations of "Ooh! [[Liquorice (confectionery)|Liquorice]]! I must be careful of how many of them I eat!"
*Often in reference to one of the many dangers facing him in ''Goon Show'' episodes: "Harm can come to a young lad like that!". This latter quote can also be found in two of the many Songs released by the Goons, the "Bluebottle Blues", and the Goons' own recording of "[[Unchained Melody]]".
*The intention to use sweets to win the favours of girls: "with these two ounces of jelly babies I will be able to influence Mavis Pringe".

;[[Eccles (character)|Eccles]]' catchphrases
*Introducing himself "I'm the famous Eccles".
*The phrase "fine, fine, fine", often said when confused, or at seemingly incongruous moments.
*When someone orders Eccles to "shut up", Eccles himself starts shouting "Shut up" or "Shut up, Eccles", usually being the last to finish.

;[[Hercules Grytpype-Thynne|Grytpype-Thynne]]'s catchphrases
*Hercules Grytpype-Thynne, instead of offering cigarettes to smoke, gave strange items such as gorillas, brass instruments, and pictures of [[Queen Victoria]]. Neddie Seagoon would often decline: "Have a Gorilla?" "No thanks, I'm trying to give them up." Later in the show this might be followed with "Have a Gorilla?" "No thanks, I've just put one out."
*"You silly twisted boy, you!" In the fifth series, Grytpype-Thynne says this to Neddie Seagoon on a regular basis in regard to his silly behaviour. In "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s05e25_the_white_box_of_great_bardfield The White Box of Great Bardfield]", a running gag during the show is Seagoon's attempts to win a reward of ten shillings after being chained up by Ray Ellington in the first scene; he has complete confidence in his ability to escape: after all, he is the son of Houdini!! Grytpype-Thynne says the phrase after witnessing Neddie's long and agonising contortions. Ellington himself gets to say this quote in "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s05e26_confessions_of_a_sennapod_drinker The End (Confessions of a Secret Senna-Pod Drinker)]", and Grytpype also lets Greenslade say it (with permission) in "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s05e23_the_six_ingots_of_leadenhall_street The Six Ingots of Leadenhall Street]". It is also heard in "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s05e17_china_story China Story]", following Ned Seagoon's admission that he is the British ambassador, and in "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s05e01_the_whistling_spy_enigma The Whistling Spy Enigma]", after Neddie arrives at [[MI5]], giving a long list of patriotic and foolhardy deeds he is willing to do for his country.


'''Other catchphrases'''
*Regularly one-liners are responded to with the [[music hall]] catchphrase: "I don't wish to know that!"
*Moriarty (but sometimes other characters) exclaims "Sapristi" followed by a second word. This varied, including "nobolas", "needle nardle noo", "nyuckobakakas", "Fred", "pompet", or something to do with that week's plotline.
*Moriarty used the catchphrase "and there's more where that came from". The line was also occasionally used by Bloodnok, at least once by Minnie ("The Scarlet Capsule"), and at least once by Grytpype-Thynne.
*Bloodnok was usually introduced by his theme music, followed by explosions or gurgling liquid noises. These are used to reference Bloodnok's uncontrollable [[flatulence]], and are usually accompanied by Bloodnok yelling in pain, followed by some explanation of the noise, such as "Curse this Spanish food," or "No more curried eggs for me." Sometimes the music failed to cue the noises, whereupon Bloodnok usually covered up by saying "I'm cured!"
*Other Bloodnok catchphrases include "you filthy swine" and variations on "that's done me a power of good", "quick, get behind the screen, Gladys", "we're just good friends, I tell you" and "it was hell in there".
*Little Jim's only line in most episodes is simply to say "He's fallen in the wah-taa!", in a childish voice. It is often commented by the characters, usually Grytpype-Thynne, that they do not know what they would do without him, once even extending to Bloodnok actually attempting to do the catchphrase for him when Jim himself had been thrown into the water. On the BBC Radio show ''Dad Made Me Laugh'' Peter Sellers' son [[Michael Sellers (actor)|Michael]] revealed he was the source of the phrase, when as a small child he used it to talk about people jumping into their swimming pool.
*Miss Minnie Bannister used many opportunities to say "We'll all be murdered in our beds!" or something along similar lines; after being swallowed by a tiger: "We'll all be murdered in our tigers!", or in "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s06e08_shangri_la_again Shangri-La Again]": "We'll all be murdered in our monasteries!"
**In "The End (Confessions Of A Secret Sennapod Drinker)", Minnie gives a legitimate reason for her catchphrase - as [[Jack the Ripper]] was never caught, she believes he's waiting until the outcry about his murders have died down..."And ''then'' we'll all be murdered in our beds!"
* In the fifth series, Eccles would often state, "It's good to be alive!" at the most inopportune moments. In "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s05e15_1985 1985]" (a parody of the [[George Orwell]] [[novel]] ''[[Nineteen Eighty-Four]]''), Eccles modified this catchphrase as "It's good to be alive...in 1985!"
* Henry Crun would often start mumbling "you can't get the wood, you know" when asked to do any sort of job, even though the job (such as the building of a "waterproof gas stove" in ''The Siege of Fort Night'') would never require any wood. Sometimes he would also complain about "a shortage of shortages".
* Announcer [[Wallace Greenslade]] would often end episodes with the line, "It's all in the mind, you know". This catchphrase would later be taken up by [[The Beatles]] in their 1968 movie, ''[[Yellow Submarine (film)|Yellow Submarine]]''.
* Scenes set in the [[House of Commons of the United Kingdom|House of Commons]] often featured someone asking, "who is responsible for the drains in Hackney?"
* Seagoon is often heard making a blatant word-twisting joke to a fellow character or the audience to which both he and the audience will start to laugh. When the audience dies out, Seagoon is often left laughing hysterically. He then notices his mistake in laughing at his own joke, stops and pretends to be clearing his throat.
* Neddie's stock catchphrase was the phrase "Needle-nardle-noo!" which he would use as an exclamation and to punctuate his lines. He would also occasionally utter the phrase "isotopes peru" as a general nonsense phrase e.g.; "I didn't study Astro Navigation in the isotopes peru for nothing, you know!" ("taken from "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s06e24_the_treasure_in_the_lake The Treasure in the Lake]") Seagoon would also use the nonsense phrase, "Ying tong iddle-i po", usually followed by some member of the cast yelling "GOOD".
* In the same seasons, whenever the orchestra would strike up a dance number, the following dialogue would take place between Grytpype-Thynne and Neddie, as they were dancing: Q: "Do you come here often?" A: "Only in the mating season!". Later, in "The Choking Horror", Moriarty and Grytpype dance together upon learning that they are to be bombed, and the second sentence is modified to "Only during an Air Raid..."
* Moriarty would be regularly introduced by Grytpype-Thynne with a different nickname and accompanying sound effect. A key example of this is Count Jim "Drop 'Em" Moriarty followed by the sound of a slide-whistle to give the impression of trousers falling down. More than once he was introduced as "Count Jim 'Thighs' Moriarty", and Spike, as Moriarty, gave a knowing "Ooohh!". In another episode he was introduced as "the champion barbed-wire hurdler of France - until his tragic accident".
* In "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s06e08_shangri_la_again Shangri-La Again]", the issue of catchphrases was addressed directly; Greenslade wearily exclaimed to the audience, "Ying-Tong-Iddle-I-Po. Needle-Nardle-Noo. Spling-Splang-Splong. All's Well That Ends Well, and this is Wallace Greenslade, lover of good English, wishing he were dead!." The immediate response was the sound of a gun being fired, with Peter Sellers joyously exclaiming "Wish granted!"
* Occasionally during an episode, a voice can be heard declaring "I don't like it at all, Pat", an example of which can be found in the opening of "The White Neddie Trade", and possibly a mock complaint to the shows producer, Pat Dixon. The phrase is sometimes altered to "I don't like it Jim".

==Regular plot devices==
*Bluebottle would often be killed, or "deaded", during the course of an episode. He would often comment on his demise, usually with his catchphrase, "You dirty rotten swines, you! You have deaded me." – or variations on same. Bluebottle, if he survived to the end of the episode, would sometimes note his escape.
*Bluebottle often proclaimed he was brave and manly, yet when called upon to do something of that kind, would often refuse. However, he would soon change his mind when offered a paltry reward, such as in "The Hastings Flyer – Robbed".[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s06e15_the_hastings_flyer_robbed] Seagoon: "Come, come, little two-stone Hercules – now, tell me if you saw two men and you can have this quarter of dolly mixtures." Bluebottle: "Cor, dolly mixture – thinks – with these-type sweets I could influence certain girls at playtime – that Brenda Pugh might be another [[Rita Hayworth]]."
*In the 1954–55 season, the show would often start: "The highly esteemed ''Goon Show'' presents the BBC!" Occasionally, this would be rephrased as: "The highly steamed ''Goon Show'' presents the BBC!"
*Eccles and/or Bluebottle were usually employed in some capacity at which they are completely useless.
*People would travel very long distances in very short spaces of time with a great "whooshing" sound.
*Neddie Seagoon is often referred to as very fat and very short – in "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s06e14_the_greenslade_story The Greenslade Story]", after Neddie exclaims to [[John Snagge]], "Not so fast, Mr John Boat Race Snagge!", Snagge dryly remarks "That voice came out of a little ball of fat that sprang from behind a piano stool"; similarly, in "The Mummified Priest", Bloodnok recognises Seagoon for his ability to walk underneath a piano stool. In "Wings Over Dagenham", Grytpype refers to Neddie as "Little square pudding", and in "World War I", Mr Lalkaka, playing the part of a tailor, has been given Neddie's vital statistics, so that he (Lalkaka) can make Neddie's [[demob suit]]. He is at a loss to work out how a person with these measurements can live. Then Neddie enters, and Lalkaka cries: "It's true!"
*Neddie would either be very rich and important (such as the Prime Minister) with Grytpype-Thynne and Moriarty trying to swindle him, or he would be very poor and become their patsy in an implausible money making scheme.
*Wallace Greenslade, the announcer, was portrayed as an idol and heartthrob with his own fan-club, "The Greensladers". At one point he addresses them with the message "I should like to thank the fifty thousand members of the Wallace Greenslade Society, who clubbed together to send me last year's birthday honours. How nice to have such nice, sweet friends." Grytpype immediately stage-whispers "He's a bit of a crawler, Moriarty!"
*Greenslade often refers to the ''[[Radio Times]]'' magazine, frequently praising it for its low price and interesting content, for example in "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s05e24_yehti The Yehti]". In "The Sinking of Westminster Pier", he repeatedly announces that the Goons are performing "The Six Ingots of Leadenhall Street", as stated in that week's ''Radio Times'', insisting that "the ''Radio Times'' never lies!" The show had been changed at short notice, and was indeed billed as "The Six Ingots of Leadenhall Street" in the ''Radio Times''.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.thegoonshow.net/shows_list.asp?series=05|title=The Goon Show Site - Episode Details For Series 5|publisher=www.thegoonshow.net|accessdate=2008-10-22}}</ref>
*The fact that Ray Ellington was black was commonly joked about. Most of these "politically incorrect" statements and jokes were later edited out, and were consequently lost. However, the above episodes are broadcast on Goon Show Radio,[http://goons.fabcat.org] and (with the exception of "The Affair Of The Lone Banana"), contain the supposed cuts outlined below.
**When Seagoon narrates in "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s05e18_under_two_floorboards Under Two Floorboards]", "At the mention of the police, we all turned white", Ellington responds, "Get me a mirror!"
**In "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s09e06_the_childe_harolde_rewarde The Childe Harolde Rewarde]", Neddie is looking for a blacksmith to help him withdraw the sword from the stone. He meets Ellington and asks, "Are you a blacksmith?" Ellington replies, "My name's Smith, and you've got eyes!"
**In "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s05e14_ye_bandit_of_sherwood_forest Ye Bandit of Sherwood Forest]", Bluebottle tells him "If I had my arms free, I'd black your eyes." Ellington parries by asking, "What's the matter, son? Are you colour blind?"
**In "The Greatest Mountain In The World", Eccles picks up a stick of dynamite, thinking it to be a cigar, and it explodes in his face. Henry Crun comes along, mistakes Eccles for Ellington, and when Eccles corrects him, Henry says, "Oh yes – yours rubs off, doesn't it?" Similarly, Bluebottle says "Don't touch me, Ellington – you will rub off on me!"
**In "the Jet-Propelled Guided [[Navy, Army and Air Force Institutes|NAAFI]]", Ellington holds the post of [[Black Rod]] within Parliament.
**In "The Flea", Ellington plays the role of a sergeant in a Scottish regiment (a not-too-subtle reference to the [[Black Watch]]), reporting to Major Bloodnok in a distinctly non-Scottish voice; Seagoon asks incredulously, "How did he get into a Scottish Regiment?", to which Bloodnok replies: "He lied about his age".
**In "The Affair of the Lone Banana", Bloodnok remarks that all of his regiment have "turned yellow"; upon Ellington's demand that he speak for himself, Bloodnok apologises profusely, "I'm sorry Ellington, I know you Irish are very brave!"
**In "Ill Met By Goonlight", Seagoon is told (by Grytpype) he will be sent ashore with three men with blackened faces, whereupon Seagoon says he's only been given enough blacking for two. The response comes back: "One of the men is Ray Ellington! Any Questions?" Ellington promptly replies, "It's not fair – just 'cos I've got a sunlamp!"
*A recurring rambling conversation between two South Asian Indians (one often called Mr Banerjee), about nothing in particular and with Indian accents and syntax.
*[[Order of the British Empire|OBEs]] were often joked about as though they were very easy to obtain (and perhaps even undesirable).
**In "[http://goonshowscripts.afraid.org/raw/series06/s06e19.txt The Jet-Propelled Guided NAAFI]", Seagoon is the Prime Minister, and as a stimulant has to swallow an OBE daily, applied by his butler Grytpype-Thynne ("friend and confidante, and author of ''Ten Years As A Russian Spy at No. 10''). Grytpype also tells Moriarty in the same episode that he will get "A Russian OBE for that!" .
**In "The Dreaded [[batter pudding|Batter Pudding]]-Hurler (of [[Bexhill-on-Sea]])", Seagoon congratulates Henry Crun for striking down Minnie Bannister. When he admits he didn't do it, Seagoon thunders, "Coward! Hand back your OBE!"
**In "World War I", Willum is found in a labour exchange, and says to the manager, played by Secombe, "You gotta be careful, there's a lot of work about, mate. Only two more days and I celebrate me fifty years without work." Secombe replies "Fifty years unemployed? Good heavens! Fill in this form for your OBE."
**In "Queen Anne's Rain", Secombe, on being asked what he would do with an OBE, replies that he would sing it, and does so to the tune of "[[Oh Shenandoah|Shenandoah]]". Greenslade responds by singing "Oh OBE, the pipes, the pipes are frozen" to the tune of the "[[Londonderry Air]]".<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s09e08_queen_annes_rain|title=The Goon Show Site - Script - Queen Anne’s Rain (Series 9, Episode 8)|publisher=www.thegoonshow.net|accessdate=2008-09-23}}</ref>

==Very long jokes==
A number of episodes seem to contain jokes which take a minute or more to get to the punchline, often involving repetition, either due to the need to use up time, or more likely, for comic effect. Some examples are below:

*In "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s06e23_%20the_great_tuscan_salami_scandal The Great Tuscan Salami Scandal]", Henry claims to have an idea, forgets it, remembers it, tells Minnie, forgets it again, is told by Minnie and then declares, "What a good idea". Minnie then goes on to ask what was a good idea. This part of the scene goes on for 4 minutes.
*In "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s05e05_the_affair_of_the_lone_banana The Affair of the Lone Banana]", before sending Neddie to South America, Henry Crun spends two minutes apparently taking down Neddie's details, asking him to spell everything, usually more than once, and even falling asleep before finally saying, "It's no good, I'll have to get a pencil and some paper and write all this down."
*In "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s05e01_the_whistling_spy_enigma The Whistling Spy Enigma]", Grytpype and Neddie sit down to think of a solution to Neddie's inability to whistle. Greenslade then explains that while they are thinking, the well-known tenor, Webster Smogpule, will fill in time. The tenor then introduces his number, signals for music, waits for three bars, begins to sing "I shine..." only to be interrupted by Grytpype's "I've got it, Seagoon, I've got it!". Smogpule tries again later in the show, only to be shot down in the middle of the second line.
*In "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=svge01_the_mummified_priest The Mummified Priest]", Crun makes a rather lame joke, and bursts into hysterical laughter with Eccles, only for them both to begin 'ha' -ing to a tune, singing 'Ah ha ha ha ha ha ho,' etc. Greenslade then appears: "Listeners will note the cunning way in which the Goons fill in time on their programme!"
*In "China Story", Neddie is instructed by Grytpype to go to the Tea House of the August Goon, knock 6000 times and ask for Ah Pong. He does so to actual gradually sped-up sound-effects. Then, when Milligan, as Throat, answers the door, Neddie asks: "Teahouse of the August Goon?", Throat replies "No!" and slams the door. "Curse!" cries Seagoon, "it's next door! It's always next door in China!" More time elapses as Neddie knocks 6000 times on the correct door. When the door is opened, this time Milligan, in a mock Chinese accent, says "Someblody knock??" Neddie, exhausted, gasps, "Tea House of August Goon?" When Milligan confirms this, Seagoon says, "Are you Ah Pong?" Milligan says, "Yes, we are ah pong (we are open) till 11 o'clock."
*In "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s08e19_the_white_neddie_trade The White Neddie Trade]", Henry and Minnie tell each other they must not waste any time, and then break into a spontaneous song about not wasting time. Milligan ends the song by saying (almost off-microphone), "We filled out the time like the producer asked!"
*In "[http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s08e02_the_junk_affair The Junk Affair]", Bloodnok telephones a warehouse he owns to see if it is on the phone. When the phone in the warehouse rings, he asks Seagoon to answer it, and then asks to speak to the owner. Seagoon replies that the owner is outside, and goes to get Bloodnok. Bloodnok asks Seagoon to hold the phone outside while he goes in to answer the other one. When Bloodnok answers the phone inside the warehouse, Seagoon calls him to speak on the one outside, and Bloodnok asks him to hold the phone inside. Bloodnok, once more outside, again asks to speak to the owner. This routine is repeated several times, from the third time onwards as a gradually speeded-up recording.
*In the episode "The Man Who Tried to Destroy London's Monuments" there is a long scene when Neddie Seagoon goes to Minnie Bannister and Henry Crun's house and knocks on the door. Inside the house Minnie keeps calling Crun's name over and over again to get him to answer the door. Crun however cannot hear her over the knocking on the door and after a long drawn out two minutes he goes down to get Neddie to stop knocking, after which he can finally hear her. After this he then goes to the door and says "You can start knocking again now" before going back inside. The knocking starts again and Min starts calling his name again to get him to answer the door and he still can't hear her. After about five minutes of this they let Neddie inside.
*In "The Giant Bombardon", Captain Ned Seagoon gives a report to parliament on the Russian fortifications at Sebastopol, claiming the walls are twenty feet thick. A nasal-toned MP (voiced by Sellers) immediately asks for clarification – "You say the walls are twenty feet thick? Why do you say that?" – and continues to interrupt Seagoon's speech, further asking if the walls have been measured. When he introduces the possibility that the walls might be ten feet six inches thick and refuses to accept the blame for this shortcoming, their argument causes an uproar until a second, elderly MP (voiced by Milligan) calms the two down. The first MP apologises to Seagoon, who accepts his apology. Before he can continue his speech, the first MP interrupts again: "Captain Seagoon! You say you accept my apology. ''Why'' do you say that?", causing Seagoon to collapse in tears and parliament to descend into chaos.

==Footnotes==
<references/>

==Bibliography==
*{{cite book | editor = Farnes, Norma| title=The Goons: The Story | date=6 November 1997| publisher=Virgin Publishing | location=London | isbn=1-85227-679-7 }} — includes chapters from Milligan, Secombe & Sykes.
*{{cite book | last=Wilmut | first=Roger |author2=Jimmy Grafton | title=The Goon Show Companion - A History and Goonography | year=1976 | publisher=Robson Books | location=London | isbn=0-903895-64-1}}

{{Goons}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Goon Show Running Jokes}}
[[Category:The Goon Show|Running jokes]]

Count Jim Moriarty

2022-06-13T13:17:46Z

2A00:23C7:2909:5801:810:F674:F4C9:1A62: /* Various Names */

{{Use dmy dates|date=April 2022}}
'''Count Jim Moriarty''' (also called '''Count Jim Moriarty of the House of Roland'''<ref>{{cite web |url=http://members.fortunecity.com/comgar/bookofgoons.htm |title=Archived copy |accessdate=2011-03-12 |url-status=dead |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20110628183606/http://members.fortunecity.com/comgar/bookofgoons.htm |archivedate=2011-06-28 }}</ref>) is a character from the 1950s BBC Radio comedy ''[[The Goon Show]]''. He was voiced by [[Spike Milligan]]. In the episode "The Macreekie Rising of '74", [[Harry Secombe]] filled-in for the role in Milligan's absence.

Moriarty is an impoverished member of the French aristocracy who has turned to crime to support his lifestyle. Despite having carried out many high-paying cons and robberies during the series, he and his criminal counterpart [[Hercules Grytpype-Thynne]] always appear to be permanently destitute. Although his surname is pronounced ({{IPAc-en|ˌ|m|ɔr|i|ˈ|ɑ:r|t|i}} {{respell|MOR|ee|AR|tee}}), Grytpype-Thynne would occasionally pronounce it {{IPAc-en|m|ə|ˈ|r|aɪ|.|ər|t|i}} {{respell|mə|RY|ər|tee}}.

Over the years, Moriarty changed from a suave, debonair and efficient French criminal mastermind and confidence trickster into a cringing sidekick of Grytpype-Thynne, who is often disparaging of his manic behaviour, referring to him as "you steaming French nit", "my fast disintegrating friend", or "you crutty French schlapper". Moriarty's deterioration was accompanied by a change in the character's voice, becoming higher in register and losing its smooth diction as the series progressed.

With his thick faux-French accent, he is often found scavenging in dustbins looking for food and uttering nonsensical, half-French curses such as "Sapristi nabolas!", "Sapristi nyuckoes!", or "Sapristi bombpetts!" (incorporating an old-fashioned French expletive that meant originally "by the body of Christ") and "Sacre Fred!" (a Milligan coinage from ''[[Sacrebleu]]'') in the episode "Lurgi Strikes Britain".

==Various Names==

Grytpype often introduces him ("and I quote from his death certificate") with a middle name such as "Thighs", "Knees", "Kidney Wiper", etc., along with an appropriate sound effect (e.g. rattling bones, swannee whistle) or Moriarty's catch-phrase "Oooowwwwww", and descriptions of his prowess in various fields:

* "Who has played the male lead in over 50 [[French postcard]]s"
* "Minister Without Underpants to the Principality of [[Monte Carlo]]"
* "Champion barbed-wire hurdler until his tragic accident"
* "[[Gypsy]] [[Saxophonist]] to the [[House of Romanoff]]"
* "Schlapper Royal and noted amateur postman"
* "Husband extraordinary by appointment to the House of [[Rita Hayworth]]"

There is also some suggestion that the character is a parody of the Sherlock Holmes villain, [[Professor Moriarty]]. In ''[[The Hound of the Baskervilles According to Spike Milligan]]'', a preface by Milligan explains that Sherlock "did not stay dead for long", and after chasing him up a mountain did in fact kill Professor Moriarty, but he "later became a character in ''The Goon Show''".

{{reflist}}
{{Goons}}

[[Category:The Goon Show characters|Moriarty, Count Jim]]
[[Category:Male characters in radio|Moriatry]]
[[Category:Radio characters introduced in 1951|Moriatry]]

Major Bloodnok

2022-06-13T12:46:33Z

2A00:23C7:2909:5801:810:F674:F4C9:1A62: /* Other characters */

{{Use dmy dates|date=April 2022}}
{{Infobox character
| name = Major Denis Bloodnok
| series = [[The Goon Show]]
| image =
| caption =
| first_major =
| first_minor =
| first_date =
| last_major = [[The Goon Show]]
| last_minor = [[The Last Goon Show of All]]
| last_date = 1972
| creator =
| portrayer = [[Peter Sellers]]
| nickname =
| alias =
| gender = Male
| title = [[Major]]
| occupation = British Army
| nationality = British
}}
'''Major Denis Bloodnok''' is a [[fictional character]] from the 1950s [[BBC Radio]] comedy ''[[The Goon Show]]''. He was voiced by [[Peter Sellers]].

==Basis of character==
Bloodnok's army career is notable for cowardice and monetary irregularities. He was discharged after being found dressed as a woman, although he claimed it was [[carnival]] night.

He is repeatedly implied to be a womaniser. A prime example of this is in "Drums Along the Mersey" where he is thrown out of a boat for being caught with the captain's wife. Another example is featured in "The Histories of Pliny the Elder", when he says: "You know that saying 'Caesar's wife is above suspicion'? Well, I put an end to all that rubbish!" Also, in "The Jet-Propelled Guided [[Navy, Army and Air Force Institutes|NAAFI]]", when Moriarty arrives at his tent to bribe him into blowing up said NAAFI, he catches Bloodnok saying supposedly to a woman he was romancing, "Good night darling, I'll see you later", to which Milligan, playing Throat, replies "Good night, darling". In addition, during "Tales of Men's Shirts", he appears obsessed with women, answering a request for a favour with "What's her name?"

Bloodnok was based on the memories of [[Spike Milligan]] who remembered an old Colonel who used to come to their shows in Italy. The Bill Hall Trio (which Spike was a member of at the time) got friendly with him and also found he was notorious at missing his wallet every time he had to pay for a round of drinks and used to make up probably exaggerated stories of his military experiences. Spike has stated in his memoirs that one night they put the Colonel in the wings, and whenever it got quiet, the Colonel shouted "These boys were at [[Battle of Monte Cassino|Cassino]] you know!" This probably got the biggest laugh of the night so Spike brought the Colonel to the Stage to take the applause. Spike was in contact with him up until the Colonel died.

==Regiments==
He introduces himself in "Napoleon's Piano" as "Major Denis Bloodnok, late of the 3rd Disgusting [[Fusiliers]], [[Order of the British Empire|OBE]], MT, MT and MT" (Seagoon asks what the MTs are for, to which Bloodnok responds "I get tuppence on each of them"). Also said to be a former member of the 3rd Mounted [[Navy, Army and Air Force Institutes|NAAFI]], and the 3rd Regular Army Deserters. In "[[The Dreaded Batter Pudding Hurler (of Bexhill-on-Sea)]]", Major Bloodnok is [[officer commanding]] of the 56th Heavy Underwater Artillery (the real 56th Heavy Regiment, Royal Artillery was Milligan's regiment during WW2). ''The Affair of the Lone Banana'' sees Bloodnok as "Major Bloodnok, late of [[Zsa Zsa Gabor]]'s Third Regular Husbands". In "The Mummified Priest", when Seagoon explains that he has come to Egypt to look for the tomb of a priest belonging to the third or fourth dynasties, Bloodnok replies, "Fourth Dynasties? My old regiment!" He has also claimed to have been a member of the 3rd Heavy Nudists ("Oh, what a cap badge they had!").<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s08e05_the_treasure_in_the_tower|title=The Goon Show Site - Script - The Treasure in the Tower (Series 8, Episode 5) |website=thegoonshow.net|accessdate=2011-12-27}}</ref> It is possible that he was at one time a member of a cavalry regiment: Roper's Light Horse are mentioned in more than one episode. In "The Last of the Smoking Seagoons", Major Bloodnok hides Ned of Wales in the Bloodnok Patriotic Military Museum; in doing so, he hears the cash register's ring, and reminisces: "Oh, that tune how it haunts me; it's my regimental march for the Third Mounted Cash Registers, you know". In "[[The Fear of Wages]]", Seagoon is the commander of the Third Armoured [[Portable toilet|Thunderboxes]] ("who vanished in Burma ten years ago"), while Bloodnok is an officer in the regiment. In "Dishonoured",<ref>{{cite web|title=Dishonoured|url=http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s05e12_dishonoured|website=thegoonshow.net}}</ref> Bloodnok recruits Seagoon and Eccles into the 3rd Bombay Irish to fight the Red Bladder.

==Ambassador==
Bloodnok often features in episodes as Neddie's former commanding officer, but in ''The Gold Plate Robbery'' he appears in the capacity of British [[ambassador]] to [[Marrakesh]]. After his usual tumultuous, flatulent introduction he is heard to muse aloud "Now, for a [[Sleep|kip]] on full Ambassador's pay. Gad! I wonder what old [[Gladwyn Jebb]]'s doing". Bloodnok then agrees to provide his old enemy the tribal leader The Red Bladder (played by [[Ray Ellington]]) with weapons and ammunition in return for a stolen [[Tableware|gold plate]], which, when quizzed, Bloodnok claims is actually the [[Music recording certification|gold disc]] which he won for a [[Hit song|hit record]]. Given that the episode contains a considerable amount of mockery by Milligan of the [[ruling class]], the juxtaposition of Bloodnok as a [[Laziness|lazy]] and [[Venality|venal]] diplomat in a [[North Africa]]n setting with a reference to a distinguished British diplomat of the day may constitute another [[Satire|satirical]] swipe by the author - possibly a topical one in reference to the then-recent [[Disaster|debacle]] of the [[Suez crisis]] of 1956. The same lampooning of the English aristocracy and North African / [[French Foreign Legion|Foreign Legion]] themes are also present in the episode ''Under Two Floorboards'', (Milligan's satirical take on [[P.C. Wren]]'s 1924 novel [[Beau Geste]]), in which Bluebottle and Eccles play Neddie's brothers, who, despite being members of an aristocratic family and having taken degrees at university, are barely able to read - Bluebottle actually suggesting that, rather than read ''Beau Geste'', they "put some wheels on it and pull it round" as if it were a child's toy dog.<ref>{{cite book | last1=Wilmut | first1=Roger | last2=Grafton | first2=Jimmy | author-link1=Roger Wilmut| author-link2=Jimmy Grafton | title=The Goon Show Companion – A History and Goonography | year=1981 | publisher=[[Anova Books|Robson Books]] | location=London | isbn=0-903895-64-1 }}</ref><ref>The Goon Show Site http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s09e16_the_gold_plate_robbery Retrieved at 11.07 on Thursday 12/8/21</ref>

==Running gags==
Bloodnok is plagued by chronic gastro-intestinal problems and his entrance is usually accompanied by explosions or [[flatulent]] sound effects, the sound being created by the [[BBC Radiophonic Workshop]] (on the one occasion it wasn't played, Bloodnok cried, "I'm cured!") and quotes such as:

:"The screens, nurse! Quick, the screens!"
:"No wonder I can't go to parties any more..."
:"No more curried eggs for me."
:"It's a river steamer! And what a steamer..."

In "The Policy" Bloodnok sings a song called "The [[Dyspepsia|Indigestion]] Waltz".

==Catch phrases==
* "It's Hell in there!" - typically about somewhere hot, crowded etc. or his own quarters and/or latrine.
* "I say, you're cutting it rather fine, aren't you?" - after another character has uttered seemingly contradictory statements.
* "I don't know who you are sir, or where you come from, but you've done me a power of good." - often shortened to "you've (or "that's") done me a power of good". In "The Gold Plate Robbery" the catchphrase was set to music.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.thegoonshow.net/scripts_show.asp?title=s09e16_the_gold_plate_robbery|title=The Goon Show Site - Script - The Gold Plate Robbery (Series 9, Episode 16) |website=thegoonshow.net|accessdate=2012-04-07}}</ref>

==Other characters==
In several episodes Bloodnok has an Indian manservant called Singhiz Thing, voiced by Milligan.

Bloodnok's arch enemy is "The Red Bladder", voiced by Goons musician [[Ray Ellington]].

==See also==
*[[Il Capitano]]

==References==
{{Reflist}}

==External links==
* [http://ardentagnostic.blogspot.com/2007/05/advice-from-wise-man.html Bloodnok quotes]
* [http://nylon.net/goons/index.html#bloodnok Goon Show Bloodnok introductions (MP3)]
{{Goons}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Bloodnok, Major Denis}}
[[Category:The Goon Show characters|Goon Show characters]]
[[Category:Fictional majors]]
[[Category:Male characters in radio]]
[[Category:Radio characters introduced in 1951]]

George Chisholm (musician)

2022-06-13T12:26:32Z

2A00:23C7:2909:5801:810:F674:F4C9:1A62:

{{Use dmy dates|date=March 2017}}
{{Use British English|date=March 2017}}
{{Infobox musical artist 
| name = George Chisholm
| image =
| background = non_vocal_instrumentalist
| birth_date = 29 March 1915
|birth_place =[[Glasgow]], Scotland
| death_date = 6 December 1997 (aged 82)
|death_place =[[London]], England
| instrument = [[Trombone]]
| genre = [[Jazz]]
| years_active = 1934-mid-1990s
}}
'''George Chisholm''' [[Order of the British Empire|OBE]] (29 March 1915 – 6 December 1997) was a Scottish [[jazz]] [[trombone|trombonist]] and vocalist.

In the late 1930s he moved to London, where he played in dance bands led by [[Bert Ambrose]] and Teddy Joyce.<ref name="Larkin">Coln Larkin, ''Virgin Encyclopedia of Sixties Music'' (Muze UK Ltd, 1997), {{ISBN|0-7535-0149-X}} p. 112</ref> He later recorded with jazz musicians such as [[Coleman Hawkins]], [[Fats Waller]] and [[Benny Carter]] during their visits to the UK.<ref name="Larkin" />

In 1940, during the [[Second World War]], Chisholm signed on with the [[Royal Air Force]] and joined the RAF Dance Orchestra (known popularly as [[the Squadronaires]]),<ref name="Larkin" /> remaining in the band long after he was demobbed. He followed this with freelance work and a five-year stint with the BBC Showband (a forerunner of the [[BBC Radio Orchestra]]) and as a core member of [[Angela Morley|Wally Stott]]'s orchestra on BBC Radio's ''[[The Goon Show]]'', for which he made several minor acting appearances, for example as 'Chisholm MacChisholm the Steaming Celt' in the 1956 episode 'The Macreekie Rising of '74'.

Chisholm had roles in the films ''[[The Mouse on the Moon]]'' (1963), ''[[The Knack ...and How to Get It]]'' (1965) and ''[[Superman III]]'' (1983).<ref name=IMDb>{{cite web | title = George Chisholm | work = [[The Internet Movie Database]] | url = https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0158225/ | accessdate = 2007-05-04 }}</ref> He was also part of the house band for the children's programmes ''[[Play School (UK TV series)|Play School]]'' and ''[[Play Away]]''.<ref>{{Cite web|url=https://www.bfi.org.uk/films-tv-people/4ce2b845de29c|title=Play Away |date=10 November 1979|website=Bfi.org.uk|accessdate=15 October 2019}}</ref> He also sang and was a storyteller on Play School occasionally.

During the 1980s Chisholm continued to play, despite undergoing heart surgery;<ref name="Larkin" /> working with his own band the Gentlemen of Jazz and Keith Smith's Hefty Jazz among others, and playing live with touring artists.<ref name="Larkin" /> He was appointed an [[Order of the British Empire|OBE]] in 1984.<ref name="Larkin" />

In the mid-1990s, Chisholm retired from public life suffering from [[Alzheimer's disease]]. He died in December 1997, aged 82.

==References==
{{Reflist}}

==External links==
* {{IMDb name|0158225|George Chisholm}}
* George Chisholm's Life Story [http://georgechisholm.tripod.com/welcome.htm Gentleman of Jazz - George Chisholm's life story]
* George Chisholm 1976 interview with Les Tomkins (1) [https://web.archive.org/web/20200706050500/http://www.jazzprofessional.com/interviews/George%20Chisholm_1.htm George Chisholm - Hand Over Mouth]
* George Chisholm 1976 interview with Les Tomkins (2) [https://web.archive.org/web/20200706050902/http://www.jazzprofessional.com/interviews/George%20Chisholm_2.htm George Chisholm - Spike (Spike Milligan)]

{{Authority control}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chisholm, George}}
[[Category:Scottish jazz trombonists]]
[[Category:Male trombonists]]
[[Category:Scottish male radio actors]]
[[Category:Scottish male film actors]]
[[Category:Musicians from Glasgow]]
[[Category:Officers of the Order of the British Empire]]
[[Category:1915 births]]
[[Category:1997 deaths]]
[[Category:20th-century Scottish male actors]]
[[Category:20th-century Scottish musicians]]
[[Category:20th-century trombonists]]
[[Category:Royal Air Force airmen]]
[[Category:Royal Air Force personnel of World War II]]
[[Category:20th-century British male musicians]]
[[Category:British male jazz musicians]]
[[Category:The Squadronaires members]]
[[Category:Black Lion Records artists]]

{{UK-jazz-musician-stub}}
{{Jazz-trombonist-stub}}