The Goon Show Depository - User contributions [en]

The Royal Train

2022-08-07T17:47:21Z

2A00:23C7:1307:9A01:8EC:45E6:4EA:EE38: /* Plot */

{{About|the [[Dad's Army]] television episode|the special trains reserved for members of Royal Families (in various nations)|Royal train}}
{{unreferenced|date=February 2019}}
{{Use dmy dates|date=November 2012}}
{{Infobox television episode
| series = [[Dad's Army]]
| image = The Royal Train on Dad's Army.jpg
| image_size = 200
| caption = The Home Guard meet what they believe is the Royal Train.
| series_no = 6
| episode = 3
| director = [[David Croft (TV producer)|David Croft]]
| story = [[Jimmy Perry]] and David Croft
| producer = David Croft
| airdate = 14 November 1973
| length = 30 minutes
| guests =
| prev = [[My British Buddy]]
| next = [[We Know Our Onions]]
}}

"'''The Royal Train'''" is the third episode of the sixth series of the [[United Kingdom|British]] comedy series ''[[Dad's Army]]''. It was originally transmitted on 14 November 1973, the day of the [[wedding of Princess Anne and Mark Phillips]].

==Synopsis==
[[King George VI]] is set to pass through [[Walmington-on-Sea]] by train, and the platoon is to provide the guard of honour. A train duly arrives, but it is the wrong train, and its driver and fireman both fall asleep after drinking tea accidentally sweetened by Mrs Mainwaring's sleeping pills. Now the platoon must move the train to clear the line for the King's train.

==Plot==
Jones smartens up Wilson in the Vicar's office, getting ready to go up to the station for a special parade, at which Mainwaring will open some sealed orders. Mainwaring arrives, having been to the chemist to get some sleeping pills for Mrs Mainwaring; he says to Wilson that she is "a very nervous and highly strung woman". Jones relates how the only medicines they had in the [[Sudan]] were [[Rhamnus purshiana|cascara]] and [[bicarbonate of soda]]; good for making you run and making you belch, but little else.

Pike arrives, and insists it is his turn to carry the [[Tommy gun]], but in the process accidentally knocks Mainwaring's sleeping tablets off the desk and onto the floor, breaking the bottle. Jones says the broken shards of glass could be fatal if Mrs Mainwaring ate them, but Mainwaring seems unconcerned. They are put in a bottle labelled [[saccharine]].

At the station, Frazer is making tea for the platoon, while Walker has supplied it and is charging 3d a cup. Pike asks Mainwaring if once he has read the secret orders, he is going to eat them, whereupon Jones volunteers to eat them.

Mainwaring goes into the kitchen and opens the secret orders, in the process leaving the saccharine bottle on the kitchen table. He comes out and gathers the platoon round him, then quietly reveals that His Majesty [[George VI|King George VI]] will shortly be passing through the station in the [[Royal Train]], which has been disguised. The platoon are to guard the station, and present arms as the train steams through. Mainwaring emphasizes the secrecy, but then Hodges arrives, shouting "where's the King?!", ruining the secrecy. The platoon practise presenting arms, then the Station Master and Ticket Collector arrive, flustered, asking if the King is here yet. The platoon practise some more, and the Vicar, Verger and Mayor arrive, in their finery, having heard of the King's arrival.

A train whistle gets them all rushing out onto the platform, but it is a slow stopping train pulling only one coach and one truck. The driver and fireman get off, holding a defective brake wheel, and go to the office to telephone the depot. Whilst there, they make a cup of tea each, and load it with pills from the saccharine bottle, mistaking it for sugar.

Mainwaring checks the train politely for the King or his [[Equerry]], only to find the coach empty except for one man who is clearly not the King. The Station Master reappears and complains that this train is in the way, but the crew are now asleep in the kitchen, having consumed the sleeping tablets. Pike tells Mainwaring he can drive it, so whilst the Station Master is on the phone, the platoon climb into the cab and set off. They soon begin to enjoy themselves and love the ride. The Station Master rushes out after they have gone, and discovers the Verger is clutching the defective steam brake wheel.

In the engine cab, Pike announces to Mainwaring that, because of the absence of the brake wheel, he is unable to stop the train, starting a panic among the men. Frazer spots the Vicar, Verger, Warden and Mayor chasing them on a [[handcar]]. Mainwaring starts to make his way over the top of the train to retrieve the missing wheel that the Verger is brandishing, and although Jones goes with Mainwaring, he is as usual a complete liability, and Mainwaring has to save him from falling off several times. Once they reach the back of the train, Hodges throws the wheel, and Mainwaring catches it, then he and Jones start to make their way back to the cab. Whilst they are on top of the train, Walker has the bright idea of putting the engine into reverse to stop it, and they are nearly thrown off.

Once the train has stopped, it of course starts to return to the station, and the others on the little handcar have to work hard to keep ahead of the train. The Station Master changes the points to put the car and train into a siding, and they all tumble out just as the real Royal Train is heard approaching. They have to parade just where they are by the line, which happens to be in front of a [[Track pan|water trough]], so when the train goes past, they all get soaked.

==Cast==
{{div col}}
*[[Arthur Lowe]] as [[Captain Mainwaring]]
*[[John Le Mesurier]] as [[Sergeant Wilson]]
*[[Clive Dunn]] as [[Lance Corporal Jones]]
*[[John Laurie]] as [[Private Frazer]]
*[[James Beck]] as [[Private Walker]]
*[[Arnold Ridley]] as [[Private Godfrey]]
*[[Ian Lavender]] as [[Private Pike]]
*[[Bill Pertwee]] as [[Chief ARP Warden Hodges|ARP Warden Hodges]]
*[[Edward Sinclair]] as [[Maurice Yeatman|The Verger]]
*[[Frank Williams (actor)|Frank Williams]] as The Vicar
*[[William Moore (actor)|William Moore]] as The Station Master
*[[Freddie Earlle]] as Henry
*[[Ronnie Brody]] as Bob
*[[Fred McNaughton]] as The Mayor
*[[Sue Bishop]] as The Ticket Collector
*[[Bob Hornery]] as The City Gent
{{div col end}}

==Notes==
#Outdoor scenes featuring the train were filmed at the [[North Norfolk Railway]], which runs between [[Sheringham railway station|Sheringham]] and [[Holt, Norfolk|Holt]] in [[North Norfolk]] while station scenes were filmed at [[Weybourne railway station]]. At the time of filming, both the railway and the station were undergoing restoration, preparatory to the reinstating of passenger services.
#The [[stock footage]] of the royal train features a [[LNER Class A4]] on a section of the [[East Coast Main Line]] near [[Burnmouth]] in the Scottish Borders. Cliff Cottage, which is located on the coastal road which leads to Burnmouth Harbour, may be viewed in the background.
#The locomotive used for the local train was a [[Kitson & Co.|Kitson]] [[0-6-0]] [[Saddle tank (locomotive)|saddle tank]] "[[Colwyn]]", formerly of [[Stewarts & Lloyds]] in [[Corby]]. In 2012, the locomotive was based at the [[Northampton & Lamport Railway]] and under restoration by local company.
#The platoon inaccurately believe the King has arrived on a shabby-looking train, which turns out to be a local stopping train. In reality, for reasons of security, the royal family and leading politicians of the wartime era often travelled on nondescript trains to detract attention, as mentioned by the platoon.
#[[Track pan|Water troughs]] were never used by the [[Southern Railway (UK)|Southern Railway]], which would have served Walmington-on-Sea.

{{Dad's Army}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Royal Train, The}}
[[Category:Dad's Army (series 6) episodes]]
[[Category:1973 British television episodes]]

Don't Forget the Diver

2022-08-07T06:56:27Z

2A00:23C7:1307:9A01:8EC:45E6:4EA:EE38: /* Plot */

{{Distinguish|Don't Forget the Driver}}
{{no footnotes|date=February 2019}}
{{Use dmy dates|date=December 2021}}
{{Infobox television episode
| series = [[Dad's Army]]
| image =
| caption =
| series_no = 4
| episode = 2
| director = [[Harold Snoad]]
| story = [[Jimmy Perry]] and [[David Croft (TV producer)|David Croft]]
| producer = David Croft
| airdate = {{Start date|1970|10|02|df=y}}
| length = 30 minutes
| guests =
| prev = [[The Big Parade (Dad's Army)|The Big Parade]]
| next = [[Boots, Boots, Boots]]
}}
"'''Don't Forget the Diver'''" is the second episode of the fourth series of the British comedy series ''[[Dad's Army]]''. It was originally transmitted on 2 October 1970.

==Synopsis==
On an exercise, the [[Walmington-on-Sea]] [[platoon]] come up with an ingenious plan to capture the [[Windmill|windmill]] defended by the Eastgate platoon.

==Plot==
Captain Square and his two [[Non-commissioned officer|NCO]]s are having a drink in the local pub. Square tells the landlord the story of when he was with [[Lawrence of Arabia]], fighting the Turks. He remarks that his golden watch saved him from dehydration – he left in his mouth for three days! He demonstrates this to the landlord just as Mainwaring and Wilson enter. Mainwaring is curious, and Wilson quips that he's 'watching his drink'. Square reminds Mainwaring of the big exercise on Sunday, and Square's sergeant remarks that all [[British Home Guard|Home Guard]] platoons in the area are taking part.

The following [[parade]], the platoon meet up to discuss tactics. However, the [[Maurice Yeatman|Verger]] is snooping around, taking notes to deliver to Captain Square because he is fed up of the way the Walmington platoon treat him. The Eastgate platoon will be defending a windmill, and the platoon have to find a way of planting a dummy bomb in the windmill without being spotted. Jones suggests a tunnel, but that is soon cast aside. Wilson suggests an idea from a [[MacBeth|Shakespeare play]] he once saw, where [[Macduff (Macbeth)|the king]] dressed his troops up in bushes so they could attack the offending castle. Mainwaring thinks this is a good idea.

Walker suggests a man in a diving suit to push a dummy log along the river to a convenient spot and then the 'log' can waddle over to the windmill and plant the bomb. Frazer announces that he has inherited a diving suit from a late friend of his, Wally Stewart, who died from the '[[Decompression sickness|dreaded bends]]' due to being pulled up too quickly on his last voyage. It is eventually decided that Jones will be inside the dummy log and Frazer, in the diving suit, will push Jones along the river until he is level with the windmill, at which point he will give a tug on his lifeline. This will be the signal to announce the first diversion, which will be initiated by Walker and Wilson, by Mainwaring's bird warbler. The second diversion will be initiated by Godfrey and Walker. When Jones reaches the windmill, he will climb out of the log and plant the 'bomb'. As they are practicing, [[Air Raid Precautions|ARP]] Warden Hodges arrives and finds the platoon's plan ridiculous (especially Jones' imitations of the gurgling water), and fetches the 2nd ARP Warden, who asks, "Are they on our side?".

On the day of the exercise, the Verger is still snooping from the church graveyard, using a hidden telephone to contact Square. Frazer and Jones proceed to move down the river, and Mainwaring launches the first diversion: Wilson and Walker have fifteen [[rifle]]s attached to poles and are marching up and down behind a wall. The Verger reports this to Square, who does not believe him and thinks the platoon are [[Foot drill|drilling]]. Frazer pushes Jones' dummy log onto the bank, but he cannot get the flap open, and falls back in the river. Although he manages to get out again, and head for the windmill, he is waylaid by a playful [[Sheep dog|sheepdog]]. However, the Eastgate platoon are distracted by Mainwaring's second diversion: Walker and Godfrey have put tin helmets on a flock of sheep and have taken them up to the mill. The Verger and Square are fooled into believing that the platoon are dressed up as sheep with tin helmets on!

Jones eventually reaches the windmill and proceeds to plant the 'bomb'. However, it is still attached to him, so when Square throws the bomb back, Jones gets caught up in the sails. Mainwaring proceeds to accept their surrender, but Square refuses. They argue over who the victor is and notice that the sails are moving, with Jones on them – eventually, after Mainwaring fails to stop the windmill, Jones jumps off and lands in the river.

==Cast==
{{div col}}
*[[Arthur Lowe]] as [[Captain Mainwaring]]
*[[John Le Mesurier]] as [[Sergeant Wilson]]
*[[Clive Dunn]] as [[Lance Corporal Jones]]
*[[John Laurie]] as [[Private Frazer]]
*[[James Beck]] as [[Private Walker]]
*[[Arnold Ridley]] as [[Private Godfrey]]
*[[Ian Lavender]] as [[Private Pike]]
*[[Bill Pertwee]] as [[Chief ARP Warden Hodges|ARP Warden Hodges]]
*[[Edward Sinclair]] as [[Maurice Yeatman|The Verger]]
*[[Frank Williams (actor)|Frank Williams]] as [[Reverend Timothy Farthing|The Vicar]]
*[[Geoffrey Lumsden]] as Captain Square
*[[Robert Raglan]] as HG Sergeant
*[[Colin Bean]] as Private Sponge
*[[Don Estelle]] as Gerald, the 2nd ARP Warden
*[[Verne Morgan]] as Landlord
{{div col end}}

==Notes==
#The windmill sails sequence, filmed at [[Drinkstone]], Suffolk, pays tribute to the [[Will Hay]] film ''[[Oh, Mr Porter!]]'' (1937).
#The episode title pays homage to the wartime catchphrase of [[Tommy Handley]] in the ''[[It's That Man Again|ITMA]]'' radio series, 'Don't forget the diver sir; do not forget the diver' about the character Deepend Dan.
#The episode sees the first appearance of Robert Raglan as Captain Square's Sergeant. He would later return in a semi-regular role as the 'Colonel'.
#Mainwaring says 'Stupid Boy' twice in this episode, once where Pike stands on the air pipe connected to Fraser's diving suit during a rehearsal for the exercise, and again when Pike has difficulty cutting through a wire fence during the actual exercise.

==Radio episode==
"Don’t Forget the Diver" is the 22nd adapted radio episode, and the first of the second radio series (after the Christmas special episode, "Present Arms"), of ''Dad's Army''. It has been regularly rebroadcast on [[BBC Radio 4 Extra]] or its predecessors.

===Synopsis===
The synopsis remains virtually unchanged from the TV episode, although there are a few minor changes in terms of actions performed by certain characters.

===Notes===
The main change from the original TV episode is that a [[watermill]] is substituted for the windmill. There is no scene in the radio episode in the pub or involving Square's survival trick with his pocket-watch.

===Cast===
Only two guest actors appeared in this radio episode, namely [[Edward Sinclair]] as [[Maurice Yeatman|The Verger]] and the actor who played Square's sergeant.

==Further reading==
*{{cite book|title=The Complete A-Z of Dad’s Army|last1=Croft|first1=David|last2=Perry|first2=Jimmy|last3=Webber|first3=Richard|year=2000|publisher=Orion|isbn=0-7528-4637-X}}

==External links==
*{{BBC episode|b007brmx}}
*{{IMDb episode|0552285}}

{{Dad's Army}}

[[Category:Dad's Army (series 4) episodes]]
[[Category:Dad's Army radio episodes]]
[[Category:1970 British television episodes]]

No Spring for Frazer

2022-08-07T06:40:36Z

2A00:23C7:1307:9A01:8EC:45E6:4EA:EE38: /* Plot */

{{no footnotes|date=February 2019}}
{{Use dmy dates|date=March 2022}}
{{Infobox television episode
| series = [[Dad's Army]]
| image =
| caption =
| series_no = 3
| episode = 13
| director = [[David Croft (TV producer)|David Croft]]
| story = [[Jimmy Perry]] and David Croft
| producer = David Croft
| airdate = 4 December 1969
| length = 30 minutes
| guests =
| prev = [[Man Hunt (Dad's Army)|Man Hunt]]
| next = [[Sons of the Sea (Dad's Army)|Sons of the Sea]]
}}
"'''No Spring for Frazer'''" is the thirteenth episode of the third series of the British comedy series ''[[Dad's Army]]''. It was originally transmitted on Thursday 4 December 1969.

==Plot==

Mainwaring is preparing to march the platoon over to the recreation ground for a lecture on field craft. Wilson enters the office, informing him that Pike and Jones are ready for him to inspect their [[rifle]]s, and Frazer is ready with the [[Lewis gun|Lewis gun]]. Mainwaring inspects Jones' rifle, and reminds him not to leave sausage skins in the magazine again. He also reminds Pike not to let his mother clean his rifle with a [[bath brick]]. Frazer is relieved to not have to clean the Lewis Gun again for three weeks, but Mainwaring notices that the butterfly spring is missing, and Frazer surmises that it is in his workshop.

Mainwaring marches the platoon to Frazer's workshop and Frazer searches for the box where he keeps his tools, believing the spring is there, but it has gone. Mainwaring asks him what the box was like, and is shocked to learn that it is shaped like a [[coffin]]. Frazer tells him that when he was young, he learnt how to make coffins and perform dentistry on the Isle of [[Mingulay]]. He remembers that Mr Drury, an [[Funeral director|undertaker]], would probably have taken it, so the platoon head there.

Mr Drury is in a hurry and does not stop to speak with Frazer and Jones. They instead speak with his secretary, Miss Baker, who confirms the use of the coffin. Frazer asks if it is still there, but Miss Baker reveals it is now occupied by a Mr Horace Blewitt. Jones and Frazer are shocked, and are even more shocked to learn that his brother Sidney wanted him to rest in peace on his dining room table.

Jones and Frazer worm their way into Mr Blewitt's house, and Jones distracts Mr Blewitt while Frazer searches the coffin. Mr Blewitt tells Jones that his brother came home after buying [[Lamb and mutton|best end of neck]] from Jones, looked at it, and cried: "Look at that! All bloody bone!" before collapsing and dying from the shock. Jones takes offence at the comment and claims Mr Blewitt is accusing him of "doing in" his brother, and drags Frazer out of the house in indignation before he has had a chance to fully inspect the coffin.

Mainwaring rings GHQ to enquire about spare springs, but none is in stock. Walker has a friend who is a [[Metalworking|metal worker]], but he cannot help them because he is currently in prison. So, Mainwaring decides that they should return to Mr Blewitt's house that night and break in after Mr Blewitt has gone to bed. However, when Jones and Frazer climb into the dining room via the kitchen window, they are shocked to find that the coffin lid is screwed down. They attempt to unscrew it with Pike's [[Pocketknife|scout knife]], but they are interrupted by Mr Blewitt coming down the stairs and quickly make their exit.

The next morning, while Frazer is officiating Horace's funeral, the platoon arrive at the churchyard, just as the procession arrive at the grave. They stick a "Danger! Unexploded Bomb" sign in the ground, and warn the vicar and the mourners that there is an [[unexploded bomb]] in the churchyard. However, it is just a ruse to clear the graveyard. Later, Jones' section arrive at the grave to retrieve the spring. Jones reluctantly climbs inside to check, but they are interrupted by the verger, who has come to fill in Horace's hole. However, they are unable to remove Jones from the grave, so the verger is understandably surprised when the earth he digs into the grave is flung back at him.

The verger confronts the platoon, who manage to cover up the event until he leaves. Mainwaring admits he must report Frazer to GHQ for [[court-martial]] but, just in the nick of time, Frazer discovers the butterfly spring in his trouser pocket.

==Cast==
*[[Arthur Lowe]] as [[Captain Mainwaring]]
*[[John Le Mesurier]] as [[Sergeant Wilson]]
*[[Clive Dunn]] as [[Lance Corporal Jones]]
*[[John Laurie]] as [[Private Frazer]]
*[[James Beck]] as [[Private Walker]]
*[[Arnold Ridley]] as [[Private Godfrey]]
*[[Ian Lavender]] as [[Private Pike]]
*[[Edward Sinclair]] as [[Maurice Yeatman|The Verger]]
*[[Frank Williams (actor)|Frank Williams]] as [[Reverend Timothy Farthing|The Vicar]]
*[[Harold Bennett]] as [[List of characters in Dad's Army#Recurring characters|Mr Blewitt]]
*[[Joan Cooper]] as Miss Baker
*[[Ronnie Brandon]] as Mr Drury

==Notes==
# This is the first episode to show Frazer as a coffin maker, who later in the series is revealed to be a [[Funeral Director]].
# In this episode Frazer claims to come from the island of [[Mingulay]], evacuated in 1912, although he later claims to come from the neighbouring [[Isle of Barra]].
# This was the first appearance in ''Dad's Army'' of [[Arthur Lowe]]'s wife, [[Joan Cooper]], who played Godfrey's sister Dolly in later episodes.

==Radio episode==
In the TV series, Frazer's profession had previously been given as keeping a philatelist's shop, and only later is it shown that he is or has become an undertaker. Thus, Mainwaring and Wilson are surprised that he has coffins in his possession, with Wilson saying they are "an extraordinary thing to collect."

This dialogue is retained in the radio edition, but is followed by an additional observation from Wilson that "we all knew you were an undertaker". Frazer goes on to explain that he makes coffins for his own use as well as supplying Mr Drury.

==Further reading==
*{{cite book|title=The Complete A-Z of Dad’s Army|author1=Croft, David |author2=Perry, Jimmy |author3=Webber, Richard |year=2000|publisher=Orion|isbn= 0-7528-4637-X}}

==External links==
*{{BBC episode|b007bppt}}
*{{IMDb episode|0552303}}

{{Dad's Army}}

[[Category:Dad's Army radio episodes]]
[[Category:Dad's Army (series 3) episodes]]
[[Category:1969 British television episodes]]